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The boys and I head back down to Arizona for another extended visit on January 14th. We will be there at least a month, and depending on circumstances related to hubs vacation time or any unseen forces that occur, he will drive down to pick us up once again. The time frame is just up in the air. We might be there a month or maybe a month and a half. Either way, we will be in Arizona so who the fuck cares!
Oh, pardon my in-your-face gesture there. Heh.
I look outside right now, at the dreary rain and 40-degree temps and the slush and mud and melting snow and I think, just one more month… one. more. month. and I’ll be in the sunshine and warmth, my boys will get to play OUTSIDE in a secure, fenced-in yard (we have a corner house and no fence around our yard) while I sit and read a book inside, we won’t have to layer our clothes or try to buckle ourselves in with heavy winter coats, my car doors won’t be frozen shut and… and the pinnacle… the most bestest stupendous part…. I WILL HAVE ACCESS TO ANY JACK-IN-THE-BOX I WANT!
Aside from all that goodness, I will also be there for my niece’s very special first birthday party! That will be awesome. I have never been there for my sister’s kids’ birthdays before. My niece has been walking since October which astonishes me. I was lucky enough to actually spend two months with her this past year which is more time than I ever got to spend with her big brother. Now I get to see her turn a year old. Apparently she is quite a character… and dramatic. She is my kindred spirit and I can’t wait to see her mobile and toddler-like! Last time I saw her she was not even crawling yet.
My step-dad is all healthy again and has been back to work since August. It will be wonderful to spend a lot of time with him that doesn’t involve hospitals and doctors. My step-brother just had a baby boy in October so I will also get to meet our newest family addition. The boys will once again be surrounded by their cousins, aunts, uncles and grandma and grandpa… and SUNSHINE.
I know how lucky I am to be able to do this. Honestly though, it just comes down to the fact that my family is in Arizona and I don’t have a job. I also have a generous husband willing to live without me and the boys for an extended period of time. This will probably be the last time we get to do this, however. I am thinking I might be going back to work in the next year or so, thus ending my month-long vacations.
Of course, my teeter-totter is now leaning back towards wanting to move back to AZ. It always does in the winter. Then, spring and summer hit and I love Chicago again and don’t want to leave. The wavering is exhausting. However, in light of today’s recent developments with our fourth state governor being arrested along with his chief of staff and the fact that Illinois politics is some of the most corrupt in the country with the corruption existing at all levels, city, county and state, well, it just makes me ill. Why would I want to live in a state and pay taxes to a government that runs like this? Our proudest asset to come from Illinois politics is our President-elect Obama. Lets just hope he keeps his hands clean as president.
Ok, leaving that tangent behind… I want out of here. I want my husband to quit his job and run away to Arizona with me. I don’t give a shit if our problems will follow us… at least the weather will be more tolerable and we can run outside and scream our heads off if we want to and not freeze to death. Or when we get pissed at each other we can go take a hike, for realz! In the mountains! Arizona seems to hold all of my serenity. When life gets tough I have places to go that make me happy.
Illinois doesn’t have that… it only has 3 good months out of the year where I’m not climbing the walls.
Southwest Airlines! TAKE ME AWAY! heh.
Right, so the place looks different… Again! You are rolling your eyes at me. You are threatening to never come back again. You may even want to cause me bodily harm.
First, I’m not scared of you.
Second, I’m sorry. But I have been getting bored with the look and the last one didn’t really seem to fit, but it was different enough to deal with for a while. This one is better but, yeah, I could change it again if I want. I’m not like the other bloggers who have their own domains and people who can create personal templates for them. They are cool. I’m not… and I’m poor. And cheap. I make do with what I have and then search for better. Because I can.
The header isn’t perfect, but it will also do for now. I call it, “Emancipation through Wine”.
My new DVR receiver had better get here or the hubs and I just might kill each other should be here today. This whole watching TV on a small 17″ screen in the playroom/office without a place to really sit and without the option to pause live TV is just sick and wrong. I wonder if this is what it is like in prison? Actually, I bet even they get better TV than we have right now. The only other time our TV in the livingroom has been off this long is when we are on vacation.
In other and much more important news, my stepfather is doing amazing. It has been a long time since I posted an update so this is long overdue. My mother and step-dad went to Hawaii on their scheduled vacation on July 15th for 10 days. The doctors all said he would be fine to go as long as he took it easy. That was the plan anyway so off they went with two other couples. They had a great time and, as it turns out, my mother and step-dad actually parasailed. PARA-SAILING! Two months after a near fatal aneurysm! Good lord that man is a machine of strength and endurance. To top that, it looks like he might be cleared to go back to work in the next week or so. It seems that he has been driving for a few weeks now and it’s like he had never stopped. His recovery has been nothing short of remarkable, as cliché as that sounds, it’s true.
I told my mom the other day that is hard for me to imagine this because the last time I saw him he was still in the hospital, well the rehabilitation center. He wasn’t himself though he was a million times better than he was 4 weeks prior to that. The images of him with the tube through the top of his head and his complete lack consciousness for weeks on end still haunt me a bit. So, I would give anything to see him now, normal and “alive” again. No matter what, I am greatful that he is doing so well and seemingly at the end of the recovery road and about to turn back onto the normal way.
See, it’s not just templates that I can decide on, it’s topics for a single post too.
Update:
How’s this for a deflation… I just talked to my BIL from Arizona. He said they were watching a video of my nephew when he was 6 months old. This video was when they were up here visiting me. This means it was November of 2002 and eight months after I had moved here from Arizona. My BIL’s friend and totally hot neighbor was watching the video with them and he yells out “Who is that!?” My BIL responds, “That’s Angel, Gina’s sister!” So, his friend/neighbor says, “Tell her to move back here! She was hotter when she lived here!” In other words, after a few years of living in Chicago, I have gotten ugly. My BIL says I’m still hot (we have a funny relationship) but that I was even hotter back then and that is all his friend was saying.
Note to self: Dust off those fucking pilates videos and start doing them instead of waiting for the weight to magically fall of with a diet of peanut butter Twix bars and Dr. Pepper. Dammit!!
Today is DramaBoy’s 4th birthday. The bitter part is that Daddy is in Chicago and he is in Arizona. I can imagine how sad this makes hubs feel which also makes me sad, for both DramaBoy and hubs. While I can’t do a thing about the distance between us, I can do everything within my means to make sure DramaBoy has a wonderful birthday.
I am taking both boys to lunch today and I’m also picking up my nephew so he can join us. There is a pizza place out here called Peter Piper which is very similar to Chuckie Cheese’s, except Peter Piper’s pizza is MUCH better. So, the boys should all have a good time today.
Then, this weekend we are having a rather large birthday party for him. It will be his first one ever celebrated here and with my family. That is the sweet part.
Another bitter part of this tale is the fact that my step-dad cannot be part of the festivities. He has had yet another setback and will not be out of ICU for at least a week. Yesterday they discovered another brain bleed on the left side of his brain. It is not an aneurysm, just a small bleed. But, this means they had to put the drain back in his head and monitor him closely. Also, the possibility of putting a shunt in his head is strong, but not definite. His legs are still severely swollen because the clots in both legs and the fact that they can’t treat them with blood thinners because of the bleeding in his head. These two issues are continuing to work against each other. However, none of these issues are unexpected or abnormal. They are just hurdles the doctors and my step-dad have to keep jumping over.
Even though daddy is not able to be here and my step-dad is critically ill, I have to plan a birthday for my little boy. It feels awkward to be planning something fun while two very important people cannot be with us. Daddy isn’t here to bake his special birthday cake like he does every year, so I have to go and get a store-bought one. My step-dad isn’t here to provide comic relief and the best grilled hamburgers and hot-dogs on the planet so someone else will have to fill those big shoes.
So, even though it isn’t a perfect birthday, even though daddy can’t be here and grandpa is still sick, I hope you have a great birthday buddy. I will do everything I can to make sure it’s a good day and that you have a great party this weekend. Your Auntie has already bought some things to make sure you and all the kids have a great party because she loves you and is very excited about being able to finally celebrate your birthday with you.
Happy Happy Birthday Big Man! I LOVE YOU!!
So, yesterday I was, um, indisposed in my mother’s bathroom. As I was reading an article in Good Housekeeping on how to reduce debt I discovered that the toilet paper was gone. This is always a frightening discovery once you are already stuck on the commode.
Luckily, since I’m a huge proponent of toilet texting and just the general fact that my cell phone is almost always on me (nowadays anyway), I had my cell phone with me in the bathroom. Don’t judge me and don’t ask to use my phone, OK?
I made a phone call to my mother, 25 miles away at the hospital.
“Um, ma? You are out of toilet paper. Where can I find more?”
“Where are you?”
“I’m in your bathroom.”
“Well, check under the sink or the cabinet over the toilet.”
“I did, it’s all gone.”
“Then there is more in the hall closet.”
“I can’t get to the closet.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m in your bathroom?”
“Are you on the toilet!?”
“YES! That is why I had to call you to see if you had an secret hiding places for spare toilet paper in your bathroom!”
“Good lord!” she erupts into laughter. “Well, call Ann then! Have her get you some more.”
“Duh! Good idea, thanks. Bye.”
Ann is my step-dad’s mother who lives with my mom and step-dad. She was in the livingroom. So I called her on the house phone.
“Hi Ann, can you do me a favor? Could you leave me some toilet paper outside of my mom’s bathroom door? She’s out and I’m stuck.”
Again, a large eruption of laughter thankfully followed by a merciful supply drop of toilet paper.
Whew!
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DramaBoy’s birthday is on Wednesday. Grandma Ann was asking him how old he is going to be.
“I’m gonna be 5.”
“No you aren’t, you are going to be 4 buddy!” I told him.
“No, I don’t like 4, I want to be 5.” he replied seriously.
So there you have it, he gets to pick his age now. I personally don’t like being 32 so I want to be 25. See how easy it is?
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On a serious note, my step-dad has had a setback. We were hoping he would be moved to a regular room yesterday, however, that didn’t happen.
They did a CT scan and found some hydrocephalus on his brain. I think that is basically water on the brain, but in his case I think it was spinal fluid. So, they had to put the drain back in his head to drain this fluid out.
But, before they were going to reinsert the drain they found his legs to be very very swollen which is a tell-tale sign of the blood clots in his legs. Once again they were faced with two problems that work against each other…. blood clots and fluid on the brain. Treating the clots with blood thinner would have potentially resulted in another massive brain bleed. Not treating the clots and simply draining his head would result in severe discomfort from the swollen legs and probably other problems.
Last night they decided to balance it as best as possible by inserting the drain into his back (between some vertebrae) in order to drain the fluid without invading the brain again and giving him limited doses of blood thinner to reduce the clots. The clots cannot travel to his heart or brain because the screens that they put in place, which is good. So, now, the spinal fluid is being drained out of his back and it essentially creates a suction where the fluid will then drain from his head and down his spine and out the tube.
Apparently this means he will still be in ICU for at least another 5 days. The trend continues, fix one problem and another arises to complicate things. Despite this, he is doing well and actually eating solid foods. His sense of humor is lingering in there but he tired and still a bit cranky.
I cannot go see him anytime soon because I am getting a cold. I haven’t seen him since his breathing tube was still in. So I have not seen him conscious or talking yet and I’m really disappointed about that. Hopefully I will get to see him by the end of this week though. I’m not even sure he knows I’m here yet. His visitation has to be kept low and to immediate family only because if he sees unfamiliar people that he doesn’t see all the time he has to try too hard to process that information and it’s not good for him. I will never forget the last time I saw him. The look in his eyes will be ingrained in my head forever. He looked stunned, confused, baffled and pitiful because I think he was trying to figure out why I was there. I don’t think he has a clue that I flew down here for him. I want the next time I see him to be easier for him to process.
My step-dad is doing much better and just might be moved to a regular room tomorrow. That is another huge step in his recovery. The tube in his head that has been dubbed the “brain drain” was finally removed today. This is what was draining all of the blood from his head over the past 11-12 days and I was told that approximately 2600ml of blood was collected from his head. This is equivalent to about 2.7 quarts or over a half gallon of blood.
Can you imagine having a half gallon of blood inside of your skull crowding your brain? If he would have collapsed from the burst aneurysm 24 hours earlier than he did he would have been camping with my mother and their friends and would probably have died. Had he collapsed 30 minutes later than he did he would have been driving to work and would have died and potentially injured or killed others on the roadway. Had the aneurysm burst 45 minutes earlier than it did then he would have been asleep and he would have died.
The timing of this burst aneurysm could not have been more perfect, if it had to happen at all because any other time besides 4am after getting out of the shower would have meant certain death and our circumstances would be completely different right now.
His recovery is going incredibly well and he is impressing all of his doctors and nurses by displaying a great deal of physical strength for a man who has been bedridden for 12 days and virtually comatose for 90% of those 12 days. He is talking a bit, passing his assessments of motor skills and actually reading things and watching t.v. However, today was not a good day for him.
After an intense brain injury like this people tend to develop a wide range of issues, each just dependent on the patient and the damage done but generally common in all ICU patients. One typical recovery right of passage is something called ICU psychosis. After being hooked up to various monitors, having tubes inserted into every orifice and almost complete sedation for a lengthy period of time, patients become agitated, cantankerous, confused and generally not pleasant. This is the phase my step-dad is in. My mother spent 2 hours today fighting with him to relax and stay in bed. Since he was free of his “brain drain” and the other various tubes and was no longer being sedated he was essentially trying to escape. He is still confused and very irritable. He was swearing at the nurses, thrashing around in bed and just being unruly. My mother finally had to cancel all visitation for him today until further notice and she herself left the hospital by late morning to come home.
Thankfully, my mother is well versed in hospitals, patients, recovery and generally cantankerous men. This doesn’t phase her at all. She is holding up remarkably well, however, my sister and I can see a change in her. It’s subtle but there, lingering around her. Her spirit is a little darker than usual. Her jovial presence is a little less jovial than usual. As soon as she gets her husband back she will return to normal, though.
Today was the first day that she and I actually spent time together outside of the hospital. For the first week I was here I was with her at the hospital almost every day. We hung out in the waiting room, took walks around the hospital campus with the boys and tried to keep each other company. In the last week she has been at the hospital all day and I have been home at her house or staying with my sister so I would only see her at night just before bed, if at all.
Today, before she came home I cleaned her house, cleaned her bathroom, did her laundry and tried to keep things in order for her. It was the least I could do and I wish I could do more. Somehow, cleaning her house and doing her laundry just doesn’t seem like enough. This evening she and I went to the store together though and I saw a little bit her old self return. It was nice, if only brief. She bought some closet organizing stuff and we came home to start working on her closet. So, I sat in her room, on her bed watching her organize her closet. It was hard work.
I handed her some of her new special hangers.
I trimmed my bangs.
I made fun of her severely outdated shirts.
I tried her size 8 shoes on my size 9 feet.
I watched Law and Order Criminal Intent, because it was on, not because I enjoy it.
I painted my nails.
When she was almost done I said, “I’m glad I could help you ma!”
She was sarcastically greatful and handed me her shoe organizer to open for her.
“I can’t, my nails are wet.” I replied quickly. Then I handed it off for someone else to open.
I thought she was going to piss herself. Come to think of it, I thought I was going to piss myself. We enjoyed a hearty and much needed laugh, if only for a brief, you-had-to-be-there moment.
I’m still not sure when I am returning home. Things with my step-dad need to be a lot better before I can even consider leaving. I just hope that things continue to get better every day and that we have no setbacks. We all miss him terribly and want nothing more than to see him walk through the door with his trademark smile and witty commentary.
Soon…..
My apologies for waiting so long to update. I haven’t felt like typing it all out and have just generally been lazy.
Ok, my step-dad is doing really well. He is still in the neuro-ICU and will be there another week or so. The doctors are incredibly happy with his progress so things are looking really good right now.
Over the last week he has been through hell and back. The two aneurysms, severe bleeding in the brain, two other procedures that needed to be done to fix other things they found while taking care of his other problems and that damn breathing tube jammed down his throat all this time.
He had the two angeograms done to insert coils into his brain that fixed the aneurysms and then the next day they found a blood clot in the tissue at the site where they inserted the instrument to perform the angeogram. The clot was not in the arterial system but in the tissues next to his vein so it wasn’t severe, but needed to be fixed. So they did that procedure right in his room. Then the day after that they found DVT in his legs. DVT is basically just blood clots and very common. So, they had to perform ANOTHER procedure to insert screens into his veins to filter the blood so that the clots would not travel up to his heart or brain. All of this occurred in about 4 days time.
After that he was kept heavily sedated, fed through a tube in his nose and breathing with the help of the breathing tube in his throat. We visited him throughout the week and just held his hand, tried talking to him to see if he understood we were there all the while knowing he was confused and not really coherent.
But, two days ago the breathing tube was FINALLY removed! It was a HUGE milestone day and we were all excited. Needless to say my step-dad was so happy to have that damn thing pulled out. He hated it. I have not been able to get to the hospital since Sunday but I hear he is doing well, trying to talk, knows his own name and said it, knows my mom and his daughters and finally understands that he is in the hospital.
I hope to see him really soon but my mom has her car again so I’m without a vehicle. Since my step-dad’s breathing tube was removed my mom has finally come home to sleep at night. She was at the hospital 24/7 for the first 8 days. But, after he was able to breath on his own she felt comfortable enough to leave at night. She goes back early in the morning now and comes home around 9pm. It’s a big step for her.
At this point I’m just trying to help where I can, but not really sure I’m doing anything. I don’t plan on going home until I know my step-dad is doing well, either in a rehabilitation facility or home and that my mom doesn’t need me.
Right now, he is still in a critical phase but really improving well and might be in a regular room by next week. After that we have to wait and see what he needs in the form of therapy, if any. Currently he is showing signs of a slight motor loss on his right side but seems to have his sense of humor still. We were all worried that he would be a different person for awhile. That he wouldn’t be funny and might be bitter and grumpy and confused. Normally he is a jovial, happy guy who is always teasing and joking. He has incredible facial expressions and loves messing with people. It seems as though that has not changed, thank God!
I have read each and every comment left and I truly appreciate all of your concerns and prayers. They mean a lot to me and my family. I will try to keep everyone updated better.
They found another aneurysm yesterday. It is smaller than the first and has not burst yet. But, they are going to perform the same prodedure that they did for the first one again.
The surgery was supposed to take place this morning, however, my sister and I woke up to a voicemail from my mother that they took him into surgery last night. I don’t know many details but apparently something was occuring that concerned them and they didn’t want to wait to perform the procedure. My sister was on her way to work and changed plans to head straight to the hosptial.
I’m at her house letting my kids breathe a little and play before we head back down there for another full day of waiting room sitting. Fortunately, despite the plane ride, the break from routine, the being away from home and all the hospital waiting room sitting, the kids are being remarkable. The waiting room is large and comfortable and I can plug in their portable DVD player so they can watch movies, they have room to run and stretch and they go for walks with grandma, too.
As for my step-dad, I really don’t know anything right now. When my sister talked to my mom at 6am he was still not back from the surgery. He was taken down around 12:30 last night I guess. I haven’t received a call from my mom or sis yet so I can only assume he is either still in the procedure or he is done and doing really well.
I hopped online to pay the mortgage and figured I would update while the kids are eating breakfast and playing.
Thank you for all of your prayers and thoughts, again. We appreciate them very much.
My step-dad collapsed at home Monday morning. He thought he was having a stroke (he’s only 49) and yelled for my mother to call 911. He was rushed to a local hospital where they found the aneurysm and bleeding in his brain. He was immediately airlifted to St. Joseph’s hospital in Phoenix where they have the Barrow Neurological Institute.
He was then sedated heavily and put under in order to drill a hole in the top of his head to drain the blood. At this point everyone was waiting for him to get his CT scan so they could find the exact location of the aneurysm and how to proceed to fix it.
The aneurysm was situated right between his eyes and notin the carotid artery. This was a good thing and apparently common. At this point the surgeons were trying to figure out if they could fix this aneurysm with a less invasive procedure or if they needed to actually cut the top of the skull and go in that way.
Fortunately, the less invasive procedure was possible and worked. They basically put a coil in the artery which stops the bleed but still allows blood through the artery. This is how it was explained to me so I can’t explain it any more than that. They insert something into the main artery which is down in the groin and then they work up through the arterial system into his head to insert this coil. It’s called an angeogram (sp?) and this type of procedure is common with heart patients. My father had this done a couple of times. I’m sure you can Google it.
Anyway, now, it is a wait and see thing. The procedure went well and he is doing good. He will be in the ICU for a minimum of two weeks. After that, we don’t know. The nurses said they just have to take it day by day. The recovery is a long process.
Everyone is doing fairly well and we are all helping where we can. My step-sisters are doing ok and actually helping my mom out a lot. They have kids and jobs and a lot of responsibilities that they have to juggle in the midst of all of this. So, I’m here to pick up where ever I’m needed. My step-dad’s mother lives with him and my mom and she is taking this quite hard, as you can probably imagine.
Now, it’s time to shower and head over to see my mom and step-dad.
Thank you for all of your prayers and thoughts. He seems to be doing really well so everything looks good.
Surreal isn’t the right word. I’m not sure what word is fitting in this situation but it’s not surreal. I’m no wordsmith, of course, so coming up with the appropriate adjective is proving difficult.
Monday morning I received a call from my sister that I was not expecting. She informed me that my step-dad was in the hospital after collapsing at home and is being air lifted to a special neurological hosptial in Phoenix. At that point I can’t quite remember what else she said because I was crying my eyes out and sort of in disbelief.
To be honest, I was quite surprised at my own reaction. I love my step-dad. He has been in our family for over 10 years now. Even though I live far away and rarely get to talk to him, when I do see him, it’s like we saw each other every day. He has been great to my mother which is very important. He also has six kids, all around my sisters age and a tad younger. They adopted my mother as their own and have meshed with our family really well. I guess all of our dysfunctions pooled together to create one big happy and dysfunctional family. It’s pretty damn great. But, despite all of that, I didn’t expect to feel as heartbroken as I felt when my sister told me about him.
After I hung up with her I called my husband crying and told him I needed to go home. Again.
The boys and I hopped on a plane today and we are now back in Arizona for an undetermined amount of time. We went to the hosptial from the airport and I looked in on my step-dad feeling very apprehensive of what I was about to see. It’s hard to look at a strong, macho, active man in such a state of incapacitation with an astronomical number of tubes and catheters coming out of him. Ironically, however, my sister and I grew up seeing my father like that often. He was a sick man and had numerous major operations and varying health issues. Even though we were used to this kind of thing, to me, it was like a brand new experience. My father’s issues were all heart related. This time it was neurological and much more complicated.
My heart is breaking because I have to watch my mother go through this all over again. For over 15 years she was by my father’s side during his operations and health crisis’. Now, she is going through this all over again. No one wants to see her have to bury another husband.
My mother is the pillar of strength in these situations and is also a veteran. She will never let you see that she is upset or scared. And, as luck would have it, she just graduated from nursing school last Friday and is now a full-fledged RN. Funny how life works sometimes.
Even though my step-dad couldn’t hear me and had no idea I was in his room today, I told him that out of all of his wives (he was married twice before my mother came along – one just got out of jail after 8 years for robbing a bank in Mesa and the other is a complete whack job times 100) he picked the right wife to have an aneurism with. My mother laughed, and I know he would have too.
I will give details of the aneurysm and the procedure he went through later on and what his prognosis is. Right now I’m exhausted from a long day of travel and battleing two toddlers on an airplane alone. We only had one major meltdown on the plane, but it was enough for me to ask the flight attendant for a parachute. Ok, well, I wanted to ask her for one but when she came to ask if there was anything I needed (flight attendant code for “shut your fucking child up”) I just muttered “no thank you.”
Then we will cover the topic of automatic flushing toilets and running out of toilet paper. They both suck.
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Please, say a prayer, do a tribal healing dance, rub the belly of a Buddah, or just light a candle for my family. Whatever it is that you might do in a situation like this I would appreciate it.
