Giving up: Comfort

It’s the second day of NaBloPoMo and I almost failed. Not surprising though. I fail at a lot of things. For instance, I’m failing at finding something to write about today that goes with the theme of “giving up”.

The only thing I have managed to give up is my king mattress which was in need of replacing. And, due to poor planning and complete stupidity we removed that bohemeth of a mattress from our house yesterday through a very small space without having a replacement ready. It required a lot of muscle, sweat and some tears. There are things I had to do to push that thing down our stairs and through the doorway that I can’t even describe. However, in the end, after about 20 minutes, we did it.

Now, we are without a mattress. We are sleeping on an air mattress on that is placed on top of our box springs for now, until our new one arrives. All I hear in my head is Jeff Foxworthy and, “You might be a redneck, if…”.  I have always admitted to having a little redneck in me anyway. I’m just the northerly kind.

So, for the next 4 days I have given up comfort. It’s not so bad, but it will be nice to have a real bed again. Especially considering the fact that up until Friday I have slept on terribly uncomfortable twin, daybed mattresses, a couch and a kid’s bunk bed for a over a month. This air mattress is actually the most comfortable thing I have slept on in the last 6 weeks, with the exeption of my old king mattress.

And this is the part where I find myself thinking, what the hell? I’m writing about mattresses? Seriously? You know, on the way to take the boys to school today I actually wondered, “Why the hell do we blog?”.  I write about my personal life as if other people actually care. Do you really care about my sleeping arrangements? Probably not. So why is that people like me blog? I guess taking a long break from blogging got me really thinking when I started back to it. There are blogs that serve a purpose, they have an agenda, the demonstrate things, and so on. Mine? What does mine do? NOTHING! And yet there are still people out there willing to read this. So, thank you. And I do apologize for writing about mattresses today. But it was the only thing I could make fit with the whole “giving up” theme.

Maybe tomorrow something better will come along to write about. Maybe I will go back into the life vault and pull something out of the old files…

The post where I whine too much when I should be enjoying myself more.

So, have I alienated all of the readers I once had out there? Are you all turning to other and more interesting blogs because mine wickedly sucks lately? Yeah, I totally don’t blame you. I know I suck. I have been severely lacking in things to write about and I’m not sure why. Has my life just turned into something terribly mundane or has my creativity just gone on a long sabbatical? I can’t be sure of the answer to that yet but I’m betting it’s a combination of both. On the bright side, it seems to mean that the end of 2008 and beginning of 2009 have been quite uneventful. And, considering the horridness of ‘08, uneventful is pretty damn awesome. 

Right now I find myself sitting in a big comfy chair at my mom’s house with Monster asleep on my hip, the laptop on my knee and Dora the Explorer on. And no, in case you are wondering, I am not comfortable. I’m contorted and have a sweaty three-year old on me. Again, the bright side… it’s quiet. Quiet is good. 

Speaking of not being comfortable, I hate to sound ungreatful or anything but I find myself a bit out of sorts when I stay with my sister and my mother now. Each place has it’s advantages and disadvantages. When I stay with my sister the kids can be as loud as they want and they have their cousins to play with all the time. But, when I stay with my sister I also spend more money and sleep a whole lot less. I also get frustrated because she and I butt heads after a day or two and start getting snooty with each other. Maybe me more so than her. Then there is the homework thing. At my sister’s house I don’t get much homework done… too many distractions. 

When I stay with my mother it is way more relaxing and certainly cheaper for my wallet. I can get better sleep and so can the kids which makes all three of us more tolerable to each other. I get my homework done too. But, my mom and step-dad are early to bed, early to rise people. Early to rise, meaning, 4am. Early to bed, meaning 7pm-8pm. This means the kids have to be completely quiet or completely asleep by 7pm so as not to bother anyone. Now, we both know getting a 3 and a 4 year to be completely quiet or completely asleep by 7pm is not always easy. Add to that the fact that my mom’s MIL lives here too and takes a nap every day at 2pm, yet another 2 hours that my kids have to be super quiet. Then, my stepdad gets home from work around 3 or 4pm and he goes to take a nap. This means that my kids have to be quiet 2pm to 6pm every weekday. Then, they have to go to bed shortly after that. That is no fun for kids and isn’t fair to them to constantly say SHUSH 100 times a day.

I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. It makes things kind of miserable at times. When I have a car and am able to leave I feel much better and more free and so do the kids.  I have completely enjoyed the reunions I have had, the parties, the girl’s night out and the Superbowl. But those are mainly weekend things. My kids and I still have to survive during the week and it’s a toss up as to who’s house is better for us!

My step-dad thinks my computer is surgically attached to my body… which is like 95% true. I have been on my laptop here more than I am at home. That isn’t something to really be proud of. I should be out more, enjoying the weather while I can. But I have turned into a complete lazy, candy-eating, slob!!! It’s disheartening and I feel like an ass. 

This Friday I am taking the kids to a big train park in Scottsdale. They will love that and it will be an all-afternoon thing. I can’t wait. They will be so excited to see that park. I’m meeting a friend and her kids up there so I will have some adult conversation while the kids marvel at all the trains. 

Then, on February 15th I will be done with my final class and will officially have an Associate’s Degree. I still hold to the fact that I’m not proud of it and that it’s really nothing, no matter what anyone says. This is something I should have had a long time ago, so, to me it is no big deal. It will just be nice to be done with school… however, I have been looking into Paralegal schools and will need to start up again in the next 6 months. So I’m not done yet…

As of now, I find myself drinking way too much Dr. Pepper, eating way too much candy, shushing my kids way too much and missing my husband terribly. I have got to snap out of it, suck it up, stop eating all that crap and start enjoying myself more.

So, yeah, I will do that… starting tomorrow… or maybe Thursday. Wait, maybe Friday.

A post that was supposed to have gone up yesterday but was delayed due an incredibly annoying wireless internet issue.

It is a pretty safe bet that everyone has blogged about today’s inauguration in some form or another. But, I haven’t looked around or read anything. So, if what I am about to post is redundant, forgive me. I’m only speaking from my own experience.

TODAY WAS LIKE THE BEST FUGGIN’ DAY EVER!!!!!!

The end.

(Need I really say more?)

(Well, you know me… there is always more I can say…)

Not only was today one of the biggest days in American history but it was also the same exact day that I was going to share it with a friend of mine from high school that I have not seen in 16 years. We haven’t spoken to or seen each other in over 16 years and today we were set to meet to watch the inauguration together.

She is the girl who finally found me on Facebook and we started reconnecting a couple of weeks ago. We discovered a mutual love for everything Barack Obama and decided that we had to meet on the day of the inauguration. She drove out to my sister’s house and we watched the most incredible day in our own history, together. Our kids were playing in another room while we watched Joe Biden get sworn in and then watched Barack Obama begin his oath, fumbling his words a bit, but still full of grace and pride.

This day was so symbolic and beautiful and full of hope that it’s almost impossible to contain. It’s impossible for me to put into decent words that truly convey how I feel. I will leave that to the other and much better bloggers, I’m sure their words are much more prolific than my own.

But no matter how generic my words are, I will never forget this day. I was alive to see our first black president become sworn in and I was able to share this day with my children and a long lost friend. The beauty and poetry of today will resonate for a long time.

I did notice Barack looking somewhat smug at times, but I believe he was just holding his head high knowing the immense hurdles that had to be jumped for this country, for the black race and for Americans alike to get to where we are today. I pray for his family, for his safety, for his guidance and for his leadership so that this country will be able to once again raise our heads high and be proud of being American.

_________________________________________________

So there it is… a day late and a dollar short… as always.

The un-goodbye post

I’m not going to say anything about my trip tomorrow for fear of jinxing it. We are supposed to get more snow tomorrow so I’m in full panic mode. Not the panic mode as in oh-my-god-I’m-traveling-with-two-kids-alone or anything. No, no, that would be normal panic. I’m talking the panic like oh-my-god-its-going-to-snow-and-the-plane-may-need-deicing-and-what-if-they-get-cleared-to-take-off-in-this-snowstorm-when-they-really-shouldn’t-be-flying-and-we-crash-and-I-have-essentially-taken-my-husband’s-entire-life-away-from-him-in-one-second.

That is how I roll with panic.

So, not one word. I will not relax or feel calm until that plane is 35,000 feet in the air.

But, I’m still worried and stressed. I mean, my mind flips over into hyperdrive right about now and I start looking at every little thing as a sign that this may be my last day on earth. For instance, this post, this one right here that you are hopefully reading, is my 499th post. So, Alanis Morrisette begins playing in my head… “Isn’t ironic, she writes 499 posts and then the plane crashed down…. didn’t make it to 500″ But she sings it way better than me, of course.

I feel like the moment that I stop stressing, stop worrying, stop panicking, then that will be the moment that bad things happen. If I worry and stress and panic then everything will be fine. It’s an expect the unexpected kind of thing… expect the worst, hope for the best. That was a mantra my father drilled into my head, so I live and breathe it, reluctantly.

I hope to write my 500th post from the warm side of the country soon. I hope my flight isn’t delayed or canceled tomorrow and I hope we arrive safely. Please please please please please let everything go smoothly tomorrow!!!

Anyway, switching gears here, while I’m away, hubs says he’s going to party and get his freak on. I laugh and call him dirty names because he is a big fat liar. He is all talk, but no walk. The day he calls me from a strip club with titties shaking in his face that’s the day I will say “You da man!!!” and be on my merry way. But this will never happen because he can’t pull the trigger.

See, hubs has a wife who tries to kick him out of the house to go out with friends but he doesn’t go. He has a wife who could care less about strip clubs because she is secure in the marriage. But does he ever take advantage and go? NO! Not that I would push him out the door into a strip club or anything, but if the opportunity arises and he goes I don’t care. So, hubs will have over a month of freedom while we are away and yet this is what he’s really going to do:

• Watch SportsCenter
• Watch pre-season baseball
• Watch Transformers every time he sees it on t.v
• Watch Braveheart every time he sees it on t.v
• Watch Harry Potter every time he sees it on t.v
• Get up early on a Sunday and go grocery shopping even though he can totally sleep in.
• He may go out for coffee with his BFF once, maybe twice on a Saturday.
• He will go out to his sister’s house and pick up more wood for our wood-burning stove.
• He will bake goodies for our friends.
• He will go out to his sister’s house and play Wii with his BIL.
• He will eat cereal every night for dinner.

This list is pretty much a 100% guarantee. He’s an adult and if that is how he wants to spend his month of freedom like a complete loser, then so be it. All I care about is that he is able to come down and pick us up and drive us back home at some point. He deserves a vacation too, after all.

So, until next time… bon voyage. Wait, I didn’t say that…. we’ll talk soon. Yeah, that’s better. We’ll talk soon.

Where I seem to randomly think outloud.

First, I lied. I couldn’t stand that other page layout and could not have handled it for another 2 weeks. So, we are back to this, the one I like. My happiness matters, doesn’t it?

So Christmas is over. It came and went so fast. I hope everyone had a fabulous holiday. By the looks of everyone’s pics on Facebook I’m pretty sure you did!

Now we move onto New Years. And that is only 2 short days away! Next thing I know I’m going to be 85 years old, wearing diapers and beating hubs with my super-cool walker that turns into a chair.  Actually, I think I would rather have a Rascal and just carry a cane in my front basket for convenient beatings.  Don’t laugh at me either. Y’all know this shit is right around the corner for us with as fast as time is flying by. So, start planning. Pre-order your motor chairs and custom walkers and special shoes now while you still have money.

Anyway, I guess concentrating on my semi-youth now is important too. Though, after playing the Wii at BIL’s house on Christmas day I sure didn’t feel semi-youthful. Geezus!  We played boxing, hubs and me… the match of the year, right? Needless to say, I kicked his ass. Unfortunately, the next day I was the one feeling like I got my ass kicked… more like run over by a snow plow. My arms and back muscles were so sore that I could barely move.

Of course, in dramatic fashion I made this painfully obvious. Embellishment is my middle name. However, it wasn’t that much of a stretch. I was incredibly sore, for realz! I could not believe that 5 minutes of boxing on the Wii could make me feel that sore. Now, I’m demanding that we get a Wii. If I can box every day for 5 minutes then I just might lose my muffin top and not get out of breath while carting my boys up the stairs! Oh the possibilities!

The only problem I foresee is that NO STORE EVER HAS ANY Wii’s IN STOCK!!!!! What the fuck is up with that? Why don’t stores order larger supplies? They know how in-demand these things are! And they NEVER go on sale yet people still buy them up. SO ORDER MORE JACKASSES!

I’m just sayin’.

Now, with Christmas over, new toys cluttering my house and all the sweet treats pretty much gone I’m kind of at a loss. I don’t have school for another week. The boys don’t have school for another week. The holiday rush is over. What do I do now? I know what I should be doing… like studying ahead in school, playing with the boys, laundry, dusting…. heh! But lets be real. Those things would be, you know, productive and that just isn’t me.

Instead, I will sit here, playing on Facebook, writing this post and then probably go upstairs and start pulling out all my warm weather clothes so I can box them up and get them ready for shipping to Arizona. My plan is to get on that plane in two weeks with two boys, one carry-on and maybe one checked bag. The only problem is that I’m trying to think…..am I doing this to save money on checked bag fees or am I doing this so as to fly as empty-handed as possible?

I’m flying Southwest which means no first and second checked bag fees… however, they don’t mention a third so I assume if I have a third bag then I will be charged. And if I don’t ship clothes ahead of time I know I would have 3 suitcases. So, would it be cheaper to ship a few boxes to AZ or would it be cheaper to pay for a third bag? My thought is that either way I would pay something… right? And honestly, I would love nothing more than to get to the airport with one little suitcase, a carry-on and two kids. It would make life so much easier that day. So, I either pay to ship or pay to carry.

Hm, tough call.

Time to start boxing up my clothes!

And time to actually go do something, like get the kids dressed. Finish the laundry. Clean the upstairs mess. You know, force myself to be productive.

Watch out for those flying pigs today….

Edited to add…

I’m a moron. An idiot. I wasn’t even thinking about how the boys and I each get 2 free bags. Good lord. I know I would only have 3 bags total, just like last year. So it wouldn’t cost a thing except a lot of hassle. Thanks for clearning me up ladies.

Until I get to Arizona….

… this will be my theme.

Until I get there and remember what warm sunshine is and get to wear flip-flops again, this is what you will see.

23 more days.. but I’m really not keeping track. Honest.

The only thing I really want for Christmas is that we somehow enjoy a large windfall of cash and hubs can quit his job and come with me. I really don’t think that is asking too much.

I am considering starting the packing process now. I mean, I just need to pack all warm weather clothes and lord knows I’m not wearing any of those now! So, why not just start packing them up! This way, I have 3 weeks to work out all the packing kinks and make sure I have everything we need in the least number of suitcases possible! OR! OR! WAIT! I will do what I did last year, only a lot sooner so I’m not waiting 2 weeks for clothes… I will ship them AHEAD OF TIME! Wouldn’t that be a trip if I could actually fly to Arizona with two boys and only ONE CARRY ON AND NO CHECKED BAGS! Heh. Oh the possibilities.

Anyway, I do have another wish before I sign off here… I hope to God 2009 is a better year than 2008 was! Seriously. As long as everyone in my family, including myself, remains healthy and out of the hosptial, then I don’t give a flying friggin’ reindeer about the piss-poor economy. Let is crash, just keep my family safe. I became way too intimate with hospitals in ‘08. First me, then my step-dad then my BIL. Enough already.

Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah and Happy Kwanzaa…. peace and love to all of you.

The awesomeness is relentless.

You know what is so totally awesome? Well, let me tell you what is so totally awesome….

When you wake up in the morning and don’t feel well and you realize your stomach is making an awful lot of noise like there are potentially very angry creatures in there and then you get downstairs to discover that your insides have pretty much liquefied and you are in and out of the bathroom for a few hours and then you start to feel better and decide to take your kids to school even though you dread going outside in that icy mess that has befallen and even though your car has been warming up for a good 25 minutes you try to get in but the doors are all frozen shut so you yank and yank and yank until it opens and you hustle the kids in so you can get them buckled in and get yourself in the car before you turn into an icicle and then as you round the corner you realize your windshield wipers and fluid have completely frozen and stop working but you get stuck in a line of cars waiting for a train so you decide to take that opportunity to get out and start trying to remove all the ice build up from your wipers and subsequently bang the shit out of the wipers on the windshield and then get back into your car and notice they still aren’t working completely right so you get back out for round two and you notice the train is coming to an end so you give up and get back into the car only to realize your door latch as frozen shut and your door won’t stay closed and you are stuck in a line of cars with a door that won’t stay closed and it’s like 2 degrees outside so you decide to crank the wheel and pull over to the left where there is a tiny empty lot so you can get out and work on your door latch but as you pull over your door flies open and by now you are saying the f-word an awful lot while other cars stare at your unfortunate misfortune but move on with their lives and then finally you work the latch enough to where it finally holds the door shut so you get back in and continue taking the boys to school and you try to call your husband to vent out loud about this major annoyance but he doesn’t answer his phone… so you get more annoyed because you can’t vent your other annoyances.

Then an hour or so later after you have gone to Walmart without incident (yay!) and you polish off the left over Panda Express orange chicken with chopsticks that you still can’t hold right but don’t feel comfortable eating Asian food with a fork so you muddle through and then decide to test out the new and very dark purple nail polish you just bought only as you do this you drop a big fat glob of that uber dark purple nail polish onto your nice jeans and once again you find yourself saying that f-word a lot so you run into the bathroom to try and use some nail polish remover and a q-tip to get the nail polish off your jeans and as you do this some nail polish remover seeps into a hang-nail and stings like a muthah-luvin’ bitch and you decide to just give up and stick your head in the oven at 525 degrees. At least it’s warm in there.

But you know what is awesome, for realz?

I WILL BE IN ARIZONA IN ONE MONTH! ONE. FREAKING. MONTH! Now, that is awesome.

“It’s like world peace in a can”

I have a t-shirt that says Dr. Pepper. What I should have is a t-shirt that says, “Dr. Pepper Unites!”  Because it does.

Dr. Pepper lovers share a bond. They share a soul. They share a passion that only other Dr. Pepper lovers know.

So I’m thinking that Dr. Pepper could create world peace. There are DP lovers all over the world and if we all became friends on Facebook maybe we could actually solve the world’s problems. I mean, we all know Facebook can cure Diabetes, stop domestic violence and is the soul reason that Barack Obama got elected, right? So, if I started a DP fan club on Facebook maybe I could single-handedly abolish all religious and political tensions throughout the planet, all because of our common love of Dr. Pepper.

If leaders like Mahmoud Amahdinejad drank a Dr. Pepper then maybe that giant stick up his ass would mysteriously disappear and he would, oh, I don’t know, learn to love the gays and recognize Jews? Anything is possible with Dr. Pepper. I mean those 23 flavors in DP would probably immediately start working on rewiring his brain and he might actually become tolerable…. and human. It’s worth a shot!

Coke and Pepsi may tout unity and peace in their ads but they are full of shit. Really. They don’t have that wonderful sweetness that Dr. Pepper has. THEY don’t have those 23 flavors and pretty maroon cans with Dr. Pepper written in that great 96-pt font. I don’t see people becoming friends because they share a love of Coke or Pepsi (also referred to as battery acid or “that vial substance that can clean out pipes”). Ok, to be fair here, Coke is great with the polar bears, I will give them that. But, the polar bear community has just been horribly brainwashed. We all know they would be much better off with Dr. Pepper. They would be so much happier with the sweet, fizzy goodness of DP and in turn they would probably start procreating like rabbits and wouldn’t be in danger of extinction anymore.

Alright, wait, Dr. Pepper does have it’s limitations though. It probably could not have helped our very own egotistical and arrogant governor Blagojevich. That fucker probably drinks Coke religiously and loves watching King of the Hill. See, Dr. Pepper may have uniting capabilities but it cannot help anyone in Illinois government because these people seem to reside on different planets. And DP can only help those located on Earth. That is the disclaimer that should be put on the can.

I’m starting to think that we have been going about trying to find Bin Laden all wrong. We are using the wrong military tactics and intel. Instead, what if just put a case of Dr. Pepper in the Afghan desert and attached a string to it? Then sometime during the night when creatures like him emerge from the underground depths, he would come out sniffing. He would spot the case of DP and slowly start making his way for it. But, unbeknownst to him, there would be a soldier at the other end of that string pulling it. Soon enough, Bin Laden would be surrounded and captured using the old “carrot on a string” routine, only it would become known as the old “DP on a string routine”. Then, in one final act of good old American “GOTCHA!”, he wouldn’t be allowed to drink one, because that is the worst kind of torture there is. And then all the soldiers, American and the like, would sit around their campfires drinking that wonderful, fizzy, goodness of their first cold DP and lay back with their collective, orgasmic, “ahhhhhh”. And world peace would begin.

So, I call for Dr. Pepper to be made the official drink of the polar bear nation and the global community.

Drink up.

(yes, I’m still on my medication and no I have not gone off the deep end. I promise)

“I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet”

Apparently that is a direct quote from Spongebob. The boys were in the shower just a bit ago and saying that line over and over again… and then laughing hysterically. I was trying to dry two wiggly and insane boys off while this was happening. Heh.

Then, in their ritualistic fashion, they love to run around the house naked for awhile and try to whack each other’s willies. Well, actually Monster is the one who tries to whack DramaBoy’s willy mostly.

I decided to compile a list of things that have come out of my mouth today, including repeating the phrase, “I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet” because it makes them laugh that much.

“Get your underwear off your head!”

“Stop smacking your brother’s willy!”

“MURRAY! GET OFF OF MONSTER!”

“MURRAY! Stop chewing on all the plastic recycling!”

“The furniture is not an amusement park!”

“Murray! Stop chewing on the tree skirt!”

“STOP SMOTHERING YOUR BROTHER WITH THAT PILLOW!”

Apparently the dog is obsessed with garbage and my recycled bottles. He must chew up old paper towels and destroy any plastic bottle that might be planning a serious terrorist plot in this house. He chews on the milk jugs and juice bottles and enjoys batting them around the kitchen like he’s playing recycle-hockey. Dumbshit.

While the dog is teaching our garbage a lesson, the boys seem to think that my living room furniture is a large bouncy house. They enjoy launching themselves from the recliners to the sofa. No matter how much I say stop or use time outs it never ceases. They are relentless.

My house just isn’t big enough for three boys (well, two boys and a dumbass male dog). Seriously. And with the Christmas decorations up now, it’s even more crowded and vulnerable to the wrath of the boys.

I need serenity. Serenity in a large bottle of wine, maybe. If only it weren’t 10:40am.

Guess I’ll run for the fizzy goodness of my first Dr. Pepper instead.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, to all the American readers anyway.

Tomorrow is the big day and I’m sure we are all excited! All that food, family torture, gluttony, bloating and FOOTBALL!! Thanksgiving is the bestest thing ever.

Then comes Black Friday… which I abhor.

This weekend also happens to be my final week of the two classes I’m taking so that means BIG final projects due on Sunday, that have not been started. Big surprise, right?

So, as we all prepare for the big holiday weekend I’m sure none of you will be here, reading my blog. And, I won’t be reading yours. Heh. Well, yes I probably will because I will undoubtedly have my computer on while doing homework and will need diversions every so often.

Have a fabulous holiday, safe travels and tell anyone you see on TV who tries to give you tips on avoiding the extra calories to fuck off… that is what this damn holiday is all about! EXTRA CALORIES!

Happy Thanksgiving!!