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I have not missed blogging as much as I thought I would. I also find that being done with school (for now) and not blogging means I spend all of my time on email and Facebook. I just don’t have anything else going on with the computer. It is pretty weird.
I have often thought, in recent weeks, about good posts I could write. They were more on the serious and philosophical side. Then I thought about how much I often want my own self to just shut the fuck up and stop the word vomit.. stop the analyzing and philosophizing and bullshit. I criticize and analyze myself on a daily basis. I hate myself one minute and am saying “fuck you I don’t care what anyone thinks” the next minute. So, I decided not to annoy anyone else with all that repetitive crap on my blog.
Blogging has also gotten me into a bit of trouble with a few people on a few occasions. Maybe that means I’m doing it right? I don’t know. Either way, I needed to step back… take a break… and it was good for me. It doesn’t mean that I am any less screwed up than I was a month ago, though. I’m still self-loathing, self-centered and self-critical. However, there is one thing that is very different about me. One thing that I did that surprised almost everyone…
I got a tattoo. For realz. I did it. I even did it on a whim. It’s a long story but I had finally decided I was ready and wanted that tattoo no matter what. My BIL has a friend that does them so we went directly to him and I told him what I was looking for. I had gone through possibly getting a Chinese symbol for love or eternity and then thought about Celtic symbols since I’m part Irish. All of a sudden I threw those thoughts out and decided I wanted hearts. 3 hearts… one for each of the loves in my life… my husband and two boys. I told the guy this and he drew up a little design for me and I instantly loved it… 15 minutes later, no joke, it was tattooed on me..
… and here she is. I grow happier every day about this tattoo and cannot wait to get my next one. They really are addicting. And, it is really fun to surprise people by doing something they would never expect you to do.
Aside from all of that, I’m considering making a return to blogging by participating in the NaBloPoMo. The theme is “giving up” and that seems to be an ambiguous phrase and one that I could hopefully take in different directions. It’s funny though, last time I did the NaBloPoMo the theme was open and I thought I would give up Dr. Pepper and blog about my withdrawls. It lasted 6 days… I gave up on giving up.
So, starting today, March 1, 2009, I am going to try to blog every day this month. It is early and I cannot really think of anything good to write about in keeping with the “giving up” theme. However, 2 days ago, I did give up the warm sunshine of Arizona to fly my boys and myself back home to the cold Chicago winter. I couldn’t be happier about it too.
We are all back home where we belong, with hubs. We each have our own beds back and the boys are reunited with all of their toys. Tomorrow, they go back to school and we officially get back into our normal routines. Some might find giving up the Arizona sunshine to come back to a cold and dreary city would be hard, but I don’t. Sure, the cold will get old again pretty fast and I will miss my family back in AZ a lot. But, I’m back home for the first time in a month and a half… and that feels pretty good whether I gave up the 80 degree sunshine, or not, to get here.
I took pictures of the snow yesterday and put them up on my Facebook page. It was falling hard and heavy. By the time I lugged all four suitcases out to the car there was probably 6-8 inches of white powder on the ground. The temps were hovering around 5 degrees. It was quite apropos for my pending departure to the desert.
At 11:45 I loaded up the kids into the car and we were on our merry way. We left ultra early because I wasn’t sure of the road conditions and heard that delays were around 2 hours in some spots. So, we took no chances. We arrived at Midway around 1pm and I hopped out of the car to unload my four suitcases onto the curb while the boys waited in the car with Mary, our chauffeur for the day. I only had a light coat and scarf on because I refused to travel to Arizona with a heavy winter coat. Inside the car, Mary was shedding the boys’ coats and getting them into their lighter jackets. Once the luggage was on the curb I stood at the back of the car and shed my cute pink rubber rain boots for my shoes, because again, I was not traveling to Arizona in winter gear.
Finally I was ready so I snatched up the boys, said goodbye to my dear friend and chauffeur and hussled the boys inside as quickly as possible. From that moment on things were smooth as silk. We went and grabbed some food, sat by the windows with a front row seat to a terminal full of planes, snow, and gynormous snow plows. The boys were in heaven. Our gate was only a short walk around the corner and once we got there we settled right into another area with a perfect view of the planes and jetways. We were terrbily early but the boys were just fine; no trouble at all.
About an hour and a half later we were boarding with the first group and got a seat in the middle of the plane. It wasn’t the front but it was much better than the back. The boys did fight over the window seat but surprisingly Monster gave up the fight rather quickly. Just before we boarded the plane I gave each of the boys a small half tablet of melatonin in hopes that they would sleep on the plane. Well, it worked.
Before the plane was even finished with the deicing Monster was out cold. DramaBoy was tired but he was way too excited looking out the window at all the activity and anticipating the exciting takeoff. Our plane only ran about 5 minutes late so we were off the ground rather quickly. Monster was still asleep, I was listening to my iPod and dozing on and off and then it was time for drinks. DramaBoy got a juice and I got my Dr. Pepper. I ordered a juice for Monster as well so he would have something when he woke up. We ate our snacks and soon after DramaBoy said he was tired and wanted to go to sleep. I got a pillow and blanket for him and he was out cold within minutes. I was shocked and yet uber-pleased. Both boys were sound asleep on the airplane. It was blissful.
About an hour before landing the boys were awake, happy and excited to see the beautiful red sunset on the horizon. Monster loved the feeling of the descent and soon we were on the ground, 15 minutes early and walking into 65 degrees of heaven. My brother-in-law met us down at baggage, we collected the four suitcases and hit the freeway for my sister’s house. My sister, niece and nephew were waiting for us and we were so excited to see them.
My niece is the most amazing baby I have ever seen. She will be one on Monday and she has been walking since she was 8-months old. I have never seen a child with as much coordination and purpose as I have my niece. There are two-year olds that don’t walk with as much purpose and determination as she does. My nephew is 6 and the greatest big brother any little girl could have. He is also the best cousin! The boys immediately ran to him and off they went to play. Sometime around 10:30pm the boys got tired again and asked me if they could go to bed. I tucked them in and they were asleep within minutes.
Soon after, I enjoyed some Jack-in-the-Box tacos and watched t.v with my BIL. Then, I drifted off into a nice slumber. This morning, the sun is shining brightly and the high will be about 75. Aw shucks. I do feel really bad for those I left behind though, honestly. It’s -13 at home right now and the windchills are in the -25 region. Hubs didn’t even go to work today because it was too bitter cold. I’m glad, too. I would hate to see him walk through the city in that weather.
And finally, this is my 500th post. The big 5-0-0. Who would have thought that I could come up with 500 posts. Well, if you look back maybe only 5 posts were actually worth reading. The other 495 are just nonsensical fluff that dribbled from my head. Either way, it’s a milestone and I’m happy to have made it this far.
I will try to box up some sun and warmth to send to everyone back home. Thanks to all the people who sent me well wishes for a safe trip. They worked!
More from the land of sunshine later!
I’m not going to say anything about my trip tomorrow for fear of jinxing it. We are supposed to get more snow tomorrow so I’m in full panic mode. Not the panic mode as in oh-my-god-I’m-traveling-with-two-kids-alone or anything. No, no, that would be normal panic. I’m talking the panic like oh-my-god-its-going-to-snow-and-the-plane-may-need-deicing-and-what-if-they-get-cleared-to-take-off-in-this-snowstorm-when-they-really-shouldn’t-be-flying-and-we-crash-and-I-have-essentially-taken-my-husband’s-entire-life-away-from-him-in-one-second.
That is how I roll with panic.
So, not one word. I will not relax or feel calm until that plane is 35,000 feet in the air.
But, I’m still worried and stressed. I mean, my mind flips over into hyperdrive right about now and I start looking at every little thing as a sign that this may be my last day on earth. For instance, this post, this one right here that you are hopefully reading, is my 499th post. So, Alanis Morrisette begins playing in my head… “Isn’t ironic, she writes 499 posts and then the plane crashed down…. didn’t make it to 500″ But she sings it way better than me, of course.
I feel like the moment that I stop stressing, stop worrying, stop panicking, then that will be the moment that bad things happen. If I worry and stress and panic then everything will be fine. It’s an expect the unexpected kind of thing… expect the worst, hope for the best. That was a mantra my father drilled into my head, so I live and breathe it, reluctantly.
I hope to write my 500th post from the warm side of the country soon. I hope my flight isn’t delayed or canceled tomorrow and I hope we arrive safely. Please please please please please let everything go smoothly tomorrow!!!
Anyway, switching gears here, while I’m away, hubs says he’s going to party and get his freak on. I laugh and call him dirty names because he is a big fat liar. He is all talk, but no walk. The day he calls me from a strip club with titties shaking in his face that’s the day I will say “You da man!!!” and be on my merry way. But this will never happen because he can’t pull the trigger.
See, hubs has a wife who tries to kick him out of the house to go out with friends but he doesn’t go. He has a wife who could care less about strip clubs because she is secure in the marriage. But does he ever take advantage and go? NO! Not that I would push him out the door into a strip club or anything, but if the opportunity arises and he goes I don’t care. So, hubs will have over a month of freedom while we are away and yet this is what he’s really going to do:
- Watch SportsCenter
- Watch pre-season baseball
- Watch Transformers every time he sees it on t.v
- Watch Braveheart every time he sees it on t.v
- Watch Harry Potter every time he sees it on t.v
- Get up early on a Sunday and go grocery shopping even though he can totally sleep in.
- He may go out for coffee with his BFF once, maybe twice on a Saturday.
- He will go out to his sister’s house and pick up more wood for our wood-burning stove.
- He will bake goodies for our friends.
- He will go out to his sister’s house and play Wii with his BIL.
- He will eat cereal every night for dinner.
This list is pretty much a 100% guarantee. He’s an adult and if that is how he wants to spend his month of freedom like a complete loser, then so be it. All I care about is that he is able to come down and pick us up and drive us back home at some point. He deserves a vacation too, after all.
So, until next time… bon voyage. Wait, I didn’t say that…. we’ll talk soon. Yeah, that’s better. We’ll talk soon.
There are plenty of days when my kids annoy me to no end and I consider running away to a quiet beach in Mexico. But, it’s the days when they make me smile, giggle and belly laugh that keep me here in my own little paradise. That’s right… paradise, right here underneath my roof with all the dog hair, crazy kids and the goofy husband. Some days I lay my head down on my pillow at night and realize that I have everything I ever wanted; the wild boys, the happy family, the cozy little house and the ubiquitous SUV. Other days, I lay my head down on my pillow and just pass out from the exhaustion and stress, thankful that my kids are finally asleep because I was close to hanging myself. But even then I don’t think I would ever be able to trade it for all the gold and silver in the world.
This weekend has brought me an abundant supply of those giddy, happy moments. My kids have been so cute at times that I wanted to pause and keep rewinding them over and over until I got my fill of the cute-ocity. Just yesterday, Monster was watching television with us and a commercial came on for something related to Star Wars. Well, Monster was telling me what he was seeing on tv and said, “Mama, it’s Star Wars the Clone Wars on DVD and BHS.” Monster was saying this as a matter-of-factly as he could and as he got to the “clone wars” part of the title his voice trailed off slightly as it does on tv when the announcers say it. He said it all together as if “on DVD and VHS” were part of the entire title. My heart melted and I actually squeezed his cheeks and kissed his face because he was so damn cute at that very moment.
Last night, as I was tucking DramaBoy into bed he was sobbing from exhaustion and not wanting me to leave him. I told him that it was bedtime and I was going to go back downstairs, goodnight and sweet dreams. What he said next stopped me dead in my tracks and brought tears to my eyes. “But mama, when you go downstairs it breaks my heart.” I immediately laid down next to him and stroked his hair. I was well aware that he was probably playing me and that this could lead to him saying this every night in order to tug my heart strings, but at that moment, I didn’t care. He seemed so genuine and sad and I am his mother, I had to comply. Then, a few minutes later, as I laid next to him, he said, “Mama, when you stay with me you make my heart get back together.” Dear lord I thought my own heart would explode from love.
Today, the boys were eating Popeye’s chicken for lunch. Well, one of them was. Monster wasn’t really eating. He was asking to be excused from the table. I replied with, “NO! You haven’t even touched your chicken!” A few minutes later I was sitting in the living room and Monster says, “Mama, I’m touching my chicken now!” as he looks at me while simply placing his fingers on his chicken and holding them there. Hubs and I burst out laughing of course. Oh kids and their literal interpretations.
My kids aren’t the only ones to make my heart leap and my belly rumble with laughter. Hubs has that affect on me too… like when he made me homemade donut holes covered in cinnamon and sugar or when he brought home wine from my favorite Illinois Winery (August Hill Winery - yes, Illinois has their own wineries, about 70 in fact. August Hill just happens to be one we stumbled upon and fell in love with. Their labels are all made by a local artist. They are beautiful and the wine is incredible) and we shared the bottles with each other after the kids were in bed.
Good wine, good company, peaceful evenings… it makes my heart swell and I forget about all the things that get under my skin or haunt my thoughts. My mind quiets and instead of hearing all the static of life I hear nothing except my heart beating and my husband smiling. Sure, maybe that is just the alcohol, but I choose to believe it is the tranquility of the moment that surrounds me in a placid blanket. I can actually talk to hubs without interruption and this is a very big deal considering the fact that we cannot possibly carry on a conversation while the children are awake.
The big red cherry on top of my proverbial weekend sundae was finding a friend that I have been looking for for almost as long as we have been apart. She and I were best buds in my first high school in Yuma. She and I were arrested together (on a bogus charge) and ended up on probation together; we were unable to even be near each other in school during that time. I moved away from there in 1992 and we lost touch fast. I have been Googling and searching MySpace and Facebook for years. Before technology offered assistance I tried the old grapevine method and only heard she was living in Tucson.
Today, I got a message on Facebook from her. I thought I was going to float right off the ground. Apparently we had both been looking for each other all this time. We chatted online for over an hour and both of us were so giddy that our fingers were typing faster than our brains could function. We learned that our lives have been quite parallel all this time. In fact, it turns out she even lived in the Chicago area from 2004-2006, 45 minutes away from me and we never knew it! She has three children and two of them are my boys ages… 4 and 3. Her little ones are 14 months apart and mine are 16 months apart. We both became stay at home moms in May of 2004 when our kids were born and we both had another baby less than two years later. Then, she told me that she comes up here every summer for about 5-6 weeks (she moved back to Arizona) and I told her how I go down there every winter for about 5-6 weeks! This means we have the potential to see each other a lot during these visits. She and I even have very similar haircuts, apparently. It’s ironic, unbelievable and joyous all at the same time.
There is so much to catch up on; so much of my life to tell her about and I have so much to learn about her. We have 16 years of life that we went on living without each other. In her case, she looks the same as she did at 16. She looks beautiful and happy and full of life, just like she did back then. I feel worn and weathered and jaded but in talking to her it’s like a piece of me from those days is starting to come back. A piece of my soul from all those years ago has been re-lit and it feels good. The memories of those years don’t feel so dark and gloomy anymore. I’m realizing that I may have had things all wrong back then… I feel alive, more than I have in a long long time. I feel genuine, euphoric, exulted.
I even changed my little quote section on my Facebook page… I’m no longer the surly and sarcastic SAHM. Well, ok I still am… but I’m a lot happier about it.
And in 3 days I will be back in Arizona… I will be meeting a few friends from high school over the next several weeks and joining my past with my present. It just doesn’t seem real… is it real? Pinch me, please.
First, I lied. I couldn’t stand that other page layout and could not have handled it for another 2 weeks. So, we are back to this, the one I like. My happiness matters, doesn’t it?
So Christmas is over. It came and went so fast. I hope everyone had a fabulous holiday. By the looks of everyone’s pics on Facebook I’m pretty sure you did!
Now we move onto New Years. And that is only 2 short days away! Next thing I know I’m going to be 85 years old, wearing diapers and beating hubs with my super-cool walker that turns into a chair. Actually, I think I would rather have a Rascal and just carry a cane in my front basket for convenient beatings. Don’t laugh at me either. Y’all know this shit is right around the corner for us with as fast as time is flying by. So, start planning. Pre-order your motor chairs and custom walkers and special shoes now while you still have money.
Anyway, I guess concentrating on my semi-youth now is important too. Though, after playing the Wii at BIL’s house on Christmas day I sure didn’t feel semi-youthful. Geezus! We played boxing, hubs and me… the match of the year, right? Needless to say, I kicked his ass. Unfortunately, the next day I was the one feeling like I got my ass kicked… more like run over by a snow plow. My arms and back muscles were so sore that I could barely move.
Of course, in dramatic fashion I made this painfully obvious. Embellishment is my middle name. However, it wasn’t that much of a stretch. I was incredibly sore, for realz! I could not believe that 5 minutes of boxing on the Wii could make me feel that sore. Now, I’m demanding that we get a Wii. If I can box every day for 5 minutes then I just might lose my muffin top and not get out of breath while carting my boys up the stairs! Oh the possibilities!
The only problem I foresee is that NO STORE EVER HAS ANY Wii’s IN STOCK!!!!! What the fuck is up with that? Why don’t stores order larger supplies? They know how in-demand these things are! And they NEVER go on sale yet people still buy them up. SO ORDER MORE JACKASSES!
I’m just sayin’.
Now, with Christmas over, new toys cluttering my house and all the sweet treats pretty much gone I’m kind of at a loss. I don’t have school for another week. The boys don’t have school for another week. The holiday rush is over. What do I do now? I know what I should be doing… like studying ahead in school, playing with the boys, laundry, dusting…. heh! But lets be real. Those things would be, you know, productive and that just isn’t me.
Instead, I will sit here, playing on Facebook, writing this post and then probably go upstairs and start pulling out all my warm weather clothes so I can box them up and get them ready for shipping to Arizona. My plan is to get on that plane in two weeks with two boys, one carry-on and maybe one checked bag. The only problem is that I’m trying to think…..am I doing this to save money on checked bag fees or am I doing this so as to fly as empty-handed as possible?
I’m flying Southwest which means no first and second checked bag fees… however, they don’t mention a third so I assume if I have a third bag then I will be charged. And if I don’t ship clothes ahead of time I know I would have 3 suitcases. So, would it be cheaper to ship a few boxes to AZ or would it be cheaper to pay for a third bag? My thought is that either way I would pay something… right? And honestly, I would love nothing more than to get to the airport with one little suitcase, a carry-on and two kids. It would make life so much easier that day. So, I either pay to ship or pay to carry.
Hm, tough call.
Time to start boxing up my clothes!
And time to actually go do something, like get the kids dressed. Finish the laundry. Clean the upstairs mess. You know, force myself to be productive.
Watch out for those flying pigs today….
Edited to add…
I’m a moron. An idiot. I wasn’t even thinking about how the boys and I each get 2 free bags. Good lord. I know I would only have 3 bags total, just like last year. So it wouldn’t cost a thing except a lot of hassle. Thanks for clearning me up ladies.
Relax, you are still on the drama queen’s blog. You have not been transferred to another site. I have not been abducted by aliens and replaced with a happier look-alike and I am not on drugs, well, not illegal ones anyway.
I’m about to shoot rainbows out of my ass, which, if you have been around long enough, you know is a rare occurrence. Sarcasm and surliness seem to be my ruling planets these days. But that doesn’t mean I’m not a happy girl. Cuz I am. I do smile. I do hug my children, a lot. I even laugh!
But, lately, I have been doing all of the above a helluva lot more! I am content. I am happy. I am settled. And, it has nothing to do with the holidays, either.
So, shall I go on? OK!
First of all, the snow on the ground makes me happy. If I am going to live in the Midwest and put up with the cold then I better damn well get snow out of the deal, and lots of it. I know you are probably thinking I’m crazy for that… but it’s like the whole “when in Rome” thing, you know? If it’s gonna be this cold then I want it to look good and be worth it. So, for 2008 we are getting a solid white Christmas and this makes me very happy. It will also make me enjoy Arizona that much more, when I get there next month… in 22 days, 7 hours and 54 minutes.
Know what else makes happy? Watching my boys make their OWN lunches! They are 3 and 4 years old and want to do things themselves. DramaBoy has decided he wants to make his own jelly sandwiches every day. So he goes into the kitchen, gets out the bread, puts it in the toaster, gets a butter knife and then the jelly and then spreads it on his toast and puts the other piece of toast on top. Then he gets a cup and pours himself some water, or milk, if the gallon is empty enough. Monster also likes to make his own hot dogs. He wraps it in a paper towel like I always do, puts it in the microwave and pushs 1-0-0-start and waits for it to be done, all by himself. I have been teaching them numbers for awhile now by telling them what numbers to push on the microwave whenever we use it. The lessons have paid off.
I also get a great big smile on my face when I hear Monster, who is 3, count to 30 (minus a few errors in the 20’s). They both counted to 30 in the backseat of the car the other day as hubs and I were driving. Then they counted in Spanish, but only to 10. Heh. They also enjoy acting out scenes from their favorite movie, Polar Express. Monster can recite entire monologues from that movie. They do this upstairs while playing with their trains. It’s so fun so stand at the bottom of the stairs and listen to them act out the “emergency brake” scene. It’s actually amazing to me.
Want me to keep going? Well, I am anyway. The other night I was putting the boys to bed and DramaBoy brought me a teddy bear to sleep with. Then, he went back to his room to get one for his brother to sleep with. Then, he brought another one downstairs for daddy to sleep with. Sometimes the sweetness just oozes out of that kid’s pores! And sometimes, he just makes me laugh… like when he messes something up and says, “Oh tarter sauce!”, just like SpongeBob.
Between their knowledge, their vocabulary and their independence, I am never left without amazement. Monster and DramaBoy both use fairly big words for their age and it always makes me smile. Maybe I actually did something right? Is that possible?
You know what else makes me smile? When I go to upload pictures to my computer from my digital camera and I find that the boys have taken the camera on a picture-taking binge and there are shots of them doing incriminating things like playing with my lipgloss and rifling through my purse. That’s pure entertainment.
You know what else is entertaining? Hearing Monster say, “Mama, I will put this bottle in the recycling” and then he does it only to realize there was a smidgen of juice left in the giant bottle and he opens it up and proceeds to guzzle the last few drops in it before placing it back into the recycling bag. Awesome.
All of these things make me happy… they make me smile. The New Year’s card (we didn’t do Christmas cards this year) that I’m sending out to everyone will have a picture of my boys, making a funny face, with an inscription that says, “Find the Joy in Your Life”. Hopefully that will inspire others to do the same and smile through the rough times we are all facing.
And lastly…the proverbial cherry on top of my uber-sweet sundae is realizing your husband is everything you want him to be and that the two of you are finally happy after a very rough year. Really happy. We are a couple again. We have found each other again. We have broken down the barriers and the walls between us and we are mending and meshing so well. It’s like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders and I can see all the other things I was missing for so long.
Maybe that is why there are rainbows shooting out of my ass. But, whatever the reason I don’t care… I just want to keep feeling this contentment that I feel right now…
Thursday night was the big yearly Christmas party at hub’s work. They hold it at the W Hotel in Chicago. There are two of them, one on the Lakeshore (where BlogHer was held 2 years ago) and the one in the Loop. We were at the one in the Loop. Anyway, the party itself isn’t that much. But the conversation, mingling and free food and drink are totally worth it. Usually the party ends around 10pm and people leave.
Well, this year it didn’t end at 10pm. I’m not sure if people wanted to stick around because of the big snow storm coming or if the mix of new co-workers and old ones made it more fun; a younger and better vibe persay. Either way, we all moved downstairs to the hotel bar and continued the mingling and drinking. Then, the snow started.
These were the single biggest flakes I have ever seen in my life. The hotel is on Adams street and I watched these 2-inch flakes fall to the ground amidst cabs racing by and people walking along the slippery sidewalks. People came into the hotel with giant flakes adorning their coats. I would venture to guess over an inch fell within an hour. It was beautiful to watch from inside the warm and crowded bar.
Hubs and I had a magnificent time and had planned on staying overnight at the hotel because we knew the weather was going to be bad. His company offered to reimburse anyone who needed to stay overnight, too, so we had that on our side. Around 11pm I told hubs that I was getting a room and I went over to the reservation desk and got us a room on the 15th floor. Then, I went back to partying.
About an hour or so later people were either leaving or getting rooms as well, so hubs and I called it a night and went upstairs. Our room was amazing. We enjoyed every inch of it, so to speak. And by enjoy, I mean we pretty much turned the room into a porn studio.
Hennyway, overnight all that snow that fell was later covered in a thick layer of ice. When we woke up the next morning hubs slowly got ready and made his way down the two blocks to work… by far his shortest commute ever. It was also the slushiest and messiest commute ever. I finally got ready and checked out and had the valet retrieve my SUV. They brought it around and shoveled a clean path to my car door for me because the streets had a good 6 inches of slush on the streets and they noticed I wasn’t wearing boots. As I was getting in a cabbie drove by and splashed me with a good amount of that dirty slush. So awesome.
The falling ice had once again turned to snow and I drove home in a giant mess. Down in our area more ice had fallen than snow. I got into my neighborhood and noticed that everything was still, frozen and white. We had gotten a nasty ice storm and everything was shiny and lifeless. There were branches and broken trees along the streets and the roads were solid ice. I picked up my boys from our friend’s house and drove them home to take refuge in a nice warm house. It felt like we were in another world.
Thankfully we had power and everything around our house was fine. Our trees are covered in ice but, if we are lucky they might recover. But, the bad thing is that it is only getting colder… and now it’s very windy.
We are at -7 degrees right now and the wind is howling. The sound of the wind blowing stiff, ice covered trees and frozen power lines is very creepy and loud. Little iced twigs and branches tinkered off my roof all night long and kept me awake. Sadly, I have to go out later today… against all the recommendations from the news people. But, hey, what do they know… my kids MUST have C batteries for the train under the tree. So, a mother must do what a mother must do.
It isn’t supposed to get above 10 degrees for the next two days. So, I stare out my window at a solid white neighborhood covered in snow, then ice. It feels like the frozen tundras of the Arctic… or Antarctic. It’s hard to imagine global warming right about now. You can imagine that I am counting down the minutes until I leave for Arizona.
24 days, 7 hours and 23 minutes…. but who’s really counting?
I have a t-shirt that says Dr. Pepper. What I should have is a t-shirt that says, “Dr. Pepper Unites!” Because it does.
Dr. Pepper lovers share a bond. They share a soul. They share a passion that only other Dr. Pepper lovers know.
So I’m thinking that Dr. Pepper could create world peace. There are DP lovers all over the world and if we all became friends on Facebook maybe we could actually solve the world’s problems. I mean, we all know Facebook can cure Diabetes, stop domestic violence and is the soul reason that Barack Obama got elected, right? So, if I started a DP fan club on Facebook maybe I could single-handedly abolish all religious and political tensions throughout the planet, all because of our common love of Dr. Pepper.
If leaders like Mahmoud Amahdinejad drank a Dr. Pepper then maybe that giant stick up his ass would mysteriously disappear and he would, oh, I don’t know, learn to love the gays and recognize Jews? Anything is possible with Dr. Pepper. I mean those 23 flavors in DP would probably immediately start working on rewiring his brain and he might actually become tolerable…. and human. It’s worth a shot!
Coke and Pepsi may tout unity and peace in their ads but they are full of shit. Really. They don’t have that wonderful sweetness that Dr. Pepper has. THEY don’t have those 23 flavors and pretty maroon cans with Dr. Pepper written in that great 96-pt font. I don’t see people becoming friends because they share a love of Coke or Pepsi (also referred to as battery acid or “that vial substance that can clean out pipes”). Ok, to be fair here, Coke is great with the polar bears, I will give them that. But, the polar bear community has just been horribly brainwashed. We all know they would be much better off with Dr. Pepper. They would be so much happier with the sweet, fizzy goodness of DP and in turn they would probably start procreating like rabbits and wouldn’t be in danger of extinction anymore.
Alright, wait, Dr. Pepper does have it’s limitations though. It probably could not have helped our very own egotistical and arrogant governor Blagojevich. That fucker probably drinks Coke religiously and loves watching King of the Hill. See, Dr. Pepper may have uniting capabilities but it cannot help anyone in Illinois government because these people seem to reside on different planets. And DP can only help those located on Earth. That is the disclaimer that should be put on the can.
I’m starting to think that we have been going about trying to find Bin Laden all wrong. We are using the wrong military tactics and intel. Instead, what if just put a case of Dr. Pepper in the Afghan desert and attached a string to it? Then sometime during the night when creatures like him emerge from the underground depths, he would come out sniffing. He would spot the case of DP and slowly start making his way for it. But, unbeknownst to him, there would be a soldier at the other end of that string pulling it. Soon enough, Bin Laden would be surrounded and captured using the old “carrot on a string” routine, only it would become known as the old “DP on a string routine”. Then, in one final act of good old American “GOTCHA!”, he wouldn’t be allowed to drink one, because that is the worst kind of torture there is. And then all the soldiers, American and the like, would sit around their campfires drinking that wonderful, fizzy, goodness of their first cold DP and lay back with their collective, orgasmic, “ahhhhhh”. And world peace would begin.
So, I call for Dr. Pepper to be made the official drink of the polar bear nation and the global community.
Drink up.
(yes, I’m still on my medication and no I have not gone off the deep end. I promise)
Well, I haven’t been gone that long. Long enough though. God I miss ya’lls!!! Technically this isn’t quite going to be classified as a drunk post, however, I am on my third glass of wine. This means, I’m still conscious of my typing errors and will fix them, but I cannot be held responsible for what comes out of my fingertips. Inhibitions are off. Heh.
First things first. We are now a mere 24 hours away from the arrival of my BFF!!!! WOOT! I cannot wait to see her. Two full days will not be enough but it’s all I can get… and I owe her a trip out to see her anyway. I just hope we enjoy a fun weekend and are drunk for at least 36 of the 48 hours we have.
Ok, to be honest, the only reason I’m blogging right now is because I’m avoiding homework and I felt like I was neglecting my fan. Heh. So, here I sit, drinking and watching the debates. How apropos. You know, it’s funny… I was raised in a Republican home. I also spent 15 years of my life in Arizona and liked John McCain.
In 2002 I left my home and everything I knew and spread my wings in Illinois. I have made a life for myself and have slowly realized that I’m the black sheep in my family… or, the Democrat. My mother sent me an email last night because she obviously doesn’t want to believe that I am the big D. It was a stoopid email that had several quotes from Obama’s books that paint him into a negative light. I have read a large portion of the book “Dreams of my Father” and knew that they were completely taken out of context.
So, I replied to my mother with this,
______
Oh dear God Mother, so it begins? I read a large portion of that book and those comments were taken out of context. Oy.
Your very proud Democratic and Obama loving daughter.
______
So, now that I’m living my own life without the influences of my family (which is not a bad thing), I have discovered that I’m part bleeding heart, part conservative, part teeter-totterer, pro-gay everything, pro-environment and absolutely despise the last 8 years of the presidential administration. I also know that politicians over-promise and under-deliver. I’m not stoopid. Elections are generally just a choice between the lesser of the two evils. This time is not so different, but I just cannot see Obama as evil. I don’t expect him to be able to pull through on all his promises but I do see a positive administration full of changes in him.
There, I said it. I went there. I discussed something I usually avoid because it’s not necessary to mention on here… but, I’m drinking, watching the debates and hard up for topics. And, I am not going to hide behind my values either. I proudly exclaim that I HAVE A HEART! Gooooo donkeys! Heh.
This means that hubs is going to grow a beard and the first man to cave and shave is not only a pussy (my words, not theirs) but he loses out on the pot of money. But guess what. These idiots only put in $5 each! FIVE FREAKING dollars for a beard war? Look, the aggravation ALONE is worth more than that! So, with the 5 or 6 dudes in this war, that means the winner will get $25 to $30 bucks for winning. WHAT? Look, if my husband is going to be a part of this damn beard war, I expect him to win, first of all, and second when he DOES win I expect a helluva lot more money than a mere $30 bucks! I have to look at his scraggly-ass face for weeks (because he doesn’t lose) and I deserve at least $50 bucks just for that!
Not to mention this beard war could carry over into the annual Christmas party and I’ll be damned if I’m going to attend with Grizzly Friggin’ Adams and not win more than $30 bucks! Shit! So, my mission is to get these dudes to fork up more cash for the pot. Not only is my husband going to win but he is going to come home with enough cash to buy mama somethin’ real nice.
Oh, and on a sidenote, McCain can kiss my Obama-loving ass! HE WAS NOT A BILL AYERS FOLLOWER, ASSOCIATE, FRIEND or A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G! Dear God.
On another note, if you are voting for McCain, it’s fine. I will still like you. Hopefully you can still like me for not voting for him. Agree to disagree. That is what America is about!
Yeah, this is definitely a drunk post. I’m embarrassed already….
P.S – My dog has HORRIBLY STINKY GAS! DEAR LORD!
Smooches peeps… homework calls. I wonder how my paper will turn out now. Heh.
Many of hubs and my conversations contain the words don’t, blog, about and this. Of course I don’t take him seriously. Blog fodder is blog fodder and he is a never ending source of inspiration at times.
The other day we were driving down the road and pulled up next to a very, very nice BMW 650i. It was a silver goddess of a car so we took notice. I mean, starting prices are around $80,000. People just don’t drive $80,000 cars in my immediate area.
So, hubs and I start looking at the driver. We are curious. Who could be driving that machine?
Hubs says calmly, “It’s R-Kelly.”
“Shuddup” I retort.
“No, really it is!”
“How do you know dude!”
“Oh gee, only because his face has been plastered all over the Chicago news before!” he says sarcastically.
“Oh, well, still. It’s hard to tell.” I say trying to not appear obvious as I stare out my passenger window.
“No it is! Look!” he inches up a bit closer so we can get a better look.
“Well, yeah, maybe it is.” I say in defeat.
Then, the light turned green and the BMW was gone. Hubs yells out, “R-Kelly just smoked my four-banger!”
Laughter erupts and ensues for a good 10 minutes. It was a you-had-to-be-there moment.
It should be noted that it may not have been R-Kelly but it did look just like him and R-Kelly does have a very very large estate about 1.5 miles from my house. He decorates it pretty cool at Christmas time. So, the odds are it could very well have been him.
Moving on. Yesterday we were driving to my SIL’s house for dinner. I was wearing a hat, because I love hats and the weather was actually cool. Hubs says, “I like you in that hat!” First, the shock of an unsolicited compliment ran through my body for a bit and then I finally snapped back into reality.
So, I muster up the words, “Wow, you think I’m hot don’t you?”
“Nah.” he says. “That truck is hotter than you.”
Fucker. It’s not his fault though. I’m guessing he learned how to be a dick sometime during grade school. I then asked him if he was born a jackass or did he transform at puberty.
He laughed, evily.
Then he says, “I don’t want to see this in your blog tomorrow!”
Then, it was my turn to laugh evily! “HA HA HA!” I said. “Blog fodder is blog fodder bitch!”
“Shuddup.” he said
“It’s ok babes, I wouldn’t put that in my blog. People would think you were a dick and hate you.”
“I don’t give a shit!” he yells. “Wait! Wait a minute! You don’t have a problem calling me a “pansy” in your posts but you don’t want people hating me?” he asked.
“Right! People can laugh at you and make fun of you. I mean, humor at your expense is good stuff babes! But, no, I don’t want people to hate you.”
“Thanks man.”
“Honey, don’t worry. You are a never ending source of material. I get to pick and choose what I want to use.” I told him.
It is pretty bad when 70% of the conversations with your husband involve topics relating to your personal blog. Oh, the poor husbands of all the female bloggers out there. They should unite to start a support group.
