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When I hug both of my boys at the same time I get this overwhelming feeling that I am holding the entire world in my arms… like I’m holding pure, raw love as if it were a tangible, touchable thing…and I never want to let go. Even with simple moments like hugging them goodbye in their preschool classroom…. or if I’m stepping out to run a few errands, I never leave the house without hugging and kissing them and telling them I love them. Never…
…because they are my entire world. They are tangible, touchable love.
(This is what has been playing over and over in my head for days now… so I wrote it down )
I have not missed blogging as much as I thought I would. I also find that being done with school (for now) and not blogging means I spend all of my time on email and Facebook. I just don’t have anything else going on with the computer. It is pretty weird.
I have often thought, in recent weeks, about good posts I could write. They were more on the serious and philosophical side. Then I thought about how much I often want my own self to just shut the fuck up and stop the word vomit.. stop the analyzing and philosophizing and bullshit. I criticize and analyze myself on a daily basis. I hate myself one minute and am saying “fuck you I don’t care what anyone thinks” the next minute. So, I decided not to annoy anyone else with all that repetitive crap on my blog.
Blogging has also gotten me into a bit of trouble with a few people on a few occasions. Maybe that means I’m doing it right? I don’t know. Either way, I needed to step back… take a break… and it was good for me. It doesn’t mean that I am any less screwed up than I was a month ago, though. I’m still self-loathing, self-centered and self-critical. However, there is one thing that is very different about me. One thing that I did that surprised almost everyone…
I got a tattoo. For realz. I did it. I even did it on a whim. It’s a long story but I had finally decided I was ready and wanted that tattoo no matter what. My BIL has a friend that does them so we went directly to him and I told him what I was looking for. I had gone through possibly getting a Chinese symbol for love or eternity and then thought about Celtic symbols since I’m part Irish. All of a sudden I threw those thoughts out and decided I wanted hearts. 3 hearts… one for each of the loves in my life… my husband and two boys. I told the guy this and he drew up a little design for me and I instantly loved it… 15 minutes later, no joke, it was tattooed on me..
… and here she is. I grow happier every day about this tattoo and cannot wait to get my next one. They really are addicting. And, it is really fun to surprise people by doing something they would never expect you to do.
Aside from all of that, I’m considering making a return to blogging by participating in the NaBloPoMo. The theme is “giving up” and that seems to be an ambiguous phrase and one that I could hopefully take in different directions. It’s funny though, last time I did the NaBloPoMo the theme was open and I thought I would give up Dr. Pepper and blog about my withdrawls. It lasted 6 days… I gave up on giving up.
So, starting today, March 1, 2009, I am going to try to blog every day this month. It is early and I cannot really think of anything good to write about in keeping with the “giving up” theme. However, 2 days ago, I did give up the warm sunshine of Arizona to fly my boys and myself back home to the cold Chicago winter. I couldn’t be happier about it too.
We are all back home where we belong, with hubs. We each have our own beds back and the boys are reunited with all of their toys. Tomorrow, they go back to school and we officially get back into our normal routines. Some might find giving up the Arizona sunshine to come back to a cold and dreary city would be hard, but I don’t. Sure, the cold will get old again pretty fast and I will miss my family back in AZ a lot. But, I’m back home for the first time in a month and a half… and that feels pretty good whether I gave up the 80 degree sunshine, or not, to get here.
I took pictures of the snow yesterday and put them up on my Facebook page. It was falling hard and heavy. By the time I lugged all four suitcases out to the car there was probably 6-8 inches of white powder on the ground. The temps were hovering around 5 degrees. It was quite apropos for my pending departure to the desert.
At 11:45 I loaded up the kids into the car and we were on our merry way. We left ultra early because I wasn’t sure of the road conditions and heard that delays were around 2 hours in some spots. So, we took no chances. We arrived at Midway around 1pm and I hopped out of the car to unload my four suitcases onto the curb while the boys waited in the car with Mary, our chauffeur for the day. I only had a light coat and scarf on because I refused to travel to Arizona with a heavy winter coat. Inside the car, Mary was shedding the boys’ coats and getting them into their lighter jackets. Once the luggage was on the curb I stood at the back of the car and shed my cute pink rubber rain boots for my shoes, because again, I was not traveling to Arizona in winter gear.
Finally I was ready so I snatched up the boys, said goodbye to my dear friend and chauffeur and hussled the boys inside as quickly as possible. From that moment on things were smooth as silk. We went and grabbed some food, sat by the windows with a front row seat to a terminal full of planes, snow, and gynormous snow plows. The boys were in heaven. Our gate was only a short walk around the corner and once we got there we settled right into another area with a perfect view of the planes and jetways. We were terrbily early but the boys were just fine; no trouble at all.
About an hour and a half later we were boarding with the first group and got a seat in the middle of the plane. It wasn’t the front but it was much better than the back. The boys did fight over the window seat but surprisingly Monster gave up the fight rather quickly. Just before we boarded the plane I gave each of the boys a small half tablet of melatonin in hopes that they would sleep on the plane. Well, it worked.
Before the plane was even finished with the deicing Monster was out cold. DramaBoy was tired but he was way too excited looking out the window at all the activity and anticipating the exciting takeoff. Our plane only ran about 5 minutes late so we were off the ground rather quickly. Monster was still asleep, I was listening to my iPod and dozing on and off and then it was time for drinks. DramaBoy got a juice and I got my Dr. Pepper. I ordered a juice for Monster as well so he would have something when he woke up. We ate our snacks and soon after DramaBoy said he was tired and wanted to go to sleep. I got a pillow and blanket for him and he was out cold within minutes. I was shocked and yet uber-pleased. Both boys were sound asleep on the airplane. It was blissful.
About an hour before landing the boys were awake, happy and excited to see the beautiful red sunset on the horizon. Monster loved the feeling of the descent and soon we were on the ground, 15 minutes early and walking into 65 degrees of heaven. My brother-in-law met us down at baggage, we collected the four suitcases and hit the freeway for my sister’s house. My sister, niece and nephew were waiting for us and we were so excited to see them.
My niece is the most amazing baby I have ever seen. She will be one on Monday and she has been walking since she was 8-months old. I have never seen a child with as much coordination and purpose as I have my niece. There are two-year olds that don’t walk with as much purpose and determination as she does. My nephew is 6 and the greatest big brother any little girl could have. He is also the best cousin! The boys immediately ran to him and off they went to play. Sometime around 10:30pm the boys got tired again and asked me if they could go to bed. I tucked them in and they were asleep within minutes.
Soon after, I enjoyed some Jack-in-the-Box tacos and watched t.v with my BIL. Then, I drifted off into a nice slumber. This morning, the sun is shining brightly and the high will be about 75. Aw shucks. I do feel really bad for those I left behind though, honestly. It’s -13 at home right now and the windchills are in the -25 region. Hubs didn’t even go to work today because it was too bitter cold. I’m glad, too. I would hate to see him walk through the city in that weather.
And finally, this is my 500th post. The big 5-0-0. Who would have thought that I could come up with 500 posts. Well, if you look back maybe only 5 posts were actually worth reading. The other 495 are just nonsensical fluff that dribbled from my head. Either way, it’s a milestone and I’m happy to have made it this far.
I will try to box up some sun and warmth to send to everyone back home. Thanks to all the people who sent me well wishes for a safe trip. They worked!
More from the land of sunshine later!
There are plenty of days when my kids annoy me to no end and I consider running away to a quiet beach in Mexico. But, it’s the days when they make me smile, giggle and belly laugh that keep me here in my own little paradise. That’s right… paradise, right here underneath my roof with all the dog hair, crazy kids and the goofy husband. Some days I lay my head down on my pillow at night and realize that I have everything I ever wanted; the wild boys, the happy family, the cozy little house and the ubiquitous SUV. Other days, I lay my head down on my pillow and just pass out from the exhaustion and stress, thankful that my kids are finally asleep because I was close to hanging myself. But even then I don’t think I would ever be able to trade it for all the gold and silver in the world.
This weekend has brought me an abundant supply of those giddy, happy moments. My kids have been so cute at times that I wanted to pause and keep rewinding them over and over until I got my fill of the cute-ocity. Just yesterday, Monster was watching television with us and a commercial came on for something related to Star Wars. Well, Monster was telling me what he was seeing on tv and said, “Mama, it’s Star Wars the Clone Wars on DVD and BHS.” Monster was saying this as a matter-of-factly as he could and as he got to the “clone wars” part of the title his voice trailed off slightly as it does on tv when the announcers say it. He said it all together as if “on DVD and VHS” were part of the entire title. My heart melted and I actually squeezed his cheeks and kissed his face because he was so damn cute at that very moment.
Last night, as I was tucking DramaBoy into bed he was sobbing from exhaustion and not wanting me to leave him. I told him that it was bedtime and I was going to go back downstairs, goodnight and sweet dreams. What he said next stopped me dead in my tracks and brought tears to my eyes. “But mama, when you go downstairs it breaks my heart.” I immediately laid down next to him and stroked his hair. I was well aware that he was probably playing me and that this could lead to him saying this every night in order to tug my heart strings, but at that moment, I didn’t care. He seemed so genuine and sad and I am his mother, I had to comply. Then, a few minutes later, as I laid next to him, he said, “Mama, when you stay with me you make my heart get back together.” Dear lord I thought my own heart would explode from love.
Today, the boys were eating Popeye’s chicken for lunch. Well, one of them was. Monster wasn’t really eating. He was asking to be excused from the table. I replied with, “NO! You haven’t even touched your chicken!” A few minutes later I was sitting in the living room and Monster says, “Mama, I’m touching my chicken now!” as he looks at me while simply placing his fingers on his chicken and holding them there. Hubs and I burst out laughing of course. Oh kids and their literal interpretations.
My kids aren’t the only ones to make my heart leap and my belly rumble with laughter. Hubs has that affect on me too… like when he made me homemade donut holes covered in cinnamon and sugar or when he brought home wine from my favorite Illinois Winery (August Hill Winery - yes, Illinois has their own wineries, about 70 in fact. August Hill just happens to be one we stumbled upon and fell in love with. Their labels are all made by a local artist. They are beautiful and the wine is incredible) and we shared the bottles with each other after the kids were in bed.
Good wine, good company, peaceful evenings… it makes my heart swell and I forget about all the things that get under my skin or haunt my thoughts. My mind quiets and instead of hearing all the static of life I hear nothing except my heart beating and my husband smiling. Sure, maybe that is just the alcohol, but I choose to believe it is the tranquility of the moment that surrounds me in a placid blanket. I can actually talk to hubs without interruption and this is a very big deal considering the fact that we cannot possibly carry on a conversation while the children are awake.
The big red cherry on top of my proverbial weekend sundae was finding a friend that I have been looking for for almost as long as we have been apart. She and I were best buds in my first high school in Yuma. She and I were arrested together (on a bogus charge) and ended up on probation together; we were unable to even be near each other in school during that time. I moved away from there in 1992 and we lost touch fast. I have been Googling and searching MySpace and Facebook for years. Before technology offered assistance I tried the old grapevine method and only heard she was living in Tucson.
Today, I got a message on Facebook from her. I thought I was going to float right off the ground. Apparently we had both been looking for each other all this time. We chatted online for over an hour and both of us were so giddy that our fingers were typing faster than our brains could function. We learned that our lives have been quite parallel all this time. In fact, it turns out she even lived in the Chicago area from 2004-2006, 45 minutes away from me and we never knew it! She has three children and two of them are my boys ages… 4 and 3. Her little ones are 14 months apart and mine are 16 months apart. We both became stay at home moms in May of 2004 when our kids were born and we both had another baby less than two years later. Then, she told me that she comes up here every summer for about 5-6 weeks (she moved back to Arizona) and I told her how I go down there every winter for about 5-6 weeks! This means we have the potential to see each other a lot during these visits. She and I even have very similar haircuts, apparently. It’s ironic, unbelievable and joyous all at the same time.
There is so much to catch up on; so much of my life to tell her about and I have so much to learn about her. We have 16 years of life that we went on living without each other. In her case, she looks the same as she did at 16. She looks beautiful and happy and full of life, just like she did back then. I feel worn and weathered and jaded but in talking to her it’s like a piece of me from those days is starting to come back. A piece of my soul from all those years ago has been re-lit and it feels good. The memories of those years don’t feel so dark and gloomy anymore. I’m realizing that I may have had things all wrong back then… I feel alive, more than I have in a long long time. I feel genuine, euphoric, exulted.
I even changed my little quote section on my Facebook page… I’m no longer the surly and sarcastic SAHM. Well, ok I still am… but I’m a lot happier about it.
And in 3 days I will be back in Arizona… I will be meeting a few friends from high school over the next several weeks and joining my past with my present. It just doesn’t seem real… is it real? Pinch me, please.
Relax, you are still on the drama queen’s blog. You have not been transferred to another site. I have not been abducted by aliens and replaced with a happier look-alike and I am not on drugs, well, not illegal ones anyway.
I’m about to shoot rainbows out of my ass, which, if you have been around long enough, you know is a rare occurrence. Sarcasm and surliness seem to be my ruling planets these days. But that doesn’t mean I’m not a happy girl. Cuz I am. I do smile. I do hug my children, a lot. I even laugh!
But, lately, I have been doing all of the above a helluva lot more! I am content. I am happy. I am settled. And, it has nothing to do with the holidays, either.
So, shall I go on? OK!
First of all, the snow on the ground makes me happy. If I am going to live in the Midwest and put up with the cold then I better damn well get snow out of the deal, and lots of it. I know you are probably thinking I’m crazy for that… but it’s like the whole “when in Rome” thing, you know? If it’s gonna be this cold then I want it to look good and be worth it. So, for 2008 we are getting a solid white Christmas and this makes me very happy. It will also make me enjoy Arizona that much more, when I get there next month… in 22 days, 7 hours and 54 minutes.
Know what else makes happy? Watching my boys make their OWN lunches! They are 3 and 4 years old and want to do things themselves. DramaBoy has decided he wants to make his own jelly sandwiches every day. So he goes into the kitchen, gets out the bread, puts it in the toaster, gets a butter knife and then the jelly and then spreads it on his toast and puts the other piece of toast on top. Then he gets a cup and pours himself some water, or milk, if the gallon is empty enough. Monster also likes to make his own hot dogs. He wraps it in a paper towel like I always do, puts it in the microwave and pushs 1-0-0-start and waits for it to be done, all by himself. I have been teaching them numbers for awhile now by telling them what numbers to push on the microwave whenever we use it. The lessons have paid off.
I also get a great big smile on my face when I hear Monster, who is 3, count to 30 (minus a few errors in the 20’s). They both counted to 30 in the backseat of the car the other day as hubs and I were driving. Then they counted in Spanish, but only to 10. Heh. They also enjoy acting out scenes from their favorite movie, Polar Express. Monster can recite entire monologues from that movie. They do this upstairs while playing with their trains. It’s so fun so stand at the bottom of the stairs and listen to them act out the “emergency brake” scene. It’s actually amazing to me.
Want me to keep going? Well, I am anyway. The other night I was putting the boys to bed and DramaBoy brought me a teddy bear to sleep with. Then, he went back to his room to get one for his brother to sleep with. Then, he brought another one downstairs for daddy to sleep with. Sometimes the sweetness just oozes out of that kid’s pores! And sometimes, he just makes me laugh… like when he messes something up and says, “Oh tarter sauce!”, just like SpongeBob.
Between their knowledge, their vocabulary and their independence, I am never left without amazement. Monster and DramaBoy both use fairly big words for their age and it always makes me smile. Maybe I actually did something right? Is that possible?
You know what else makes me smile? When I go to upload pictures to my computer from my digital camera and I find that the boys have taken the camera on a picture-taking binge and there are shots of them doing incriminating things like playing with my lipgloss and rifling through my purse. That’s pure entertainment.
You know what else is entertaining? Hearing Monster say, “Mama, I will put this bottle in the recycling” and then he does it only to realize there was a smidgen of juice left in the giant bottle and he opens it up and proceeds to guzzle the last few drops in it before placing it back into the recycling bag. Awesome.
All of these things make me happy… they make me smile. The New Year’s card (we didn’t do Christmas cards this year) that I’m sending out to everyone will have a picture of my boys, making a funny face, with an inscription that says, “Find the Joy in Your Life”. Hopefully that will inspire others to do the same and smile through the rough times we are all facing.
And lastly…the proverbial cherry on top of my uber-sweet sundae is realizing your husband is everything you want him to be and that the two of you are finally happy after a very rough year. Really happy. We are a couple again. We have found each other again. We have broken down the barriers and the walls between us and we are mending and meshing so well. It’s like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders and I can see all the other things I was missing for so long.
Maybe that is why there are rainbows shooting out of my ass. But, whatever the reason I don’t care… I just want to keep feeling this contentment that I feel right now…
You know what is so totally awesome? Well, let me tell you what is so totally awesome….
When you wake up in the morning and don’t feel well and you realize your stomach is making an awful lot of noise like there are potentially very angry creatures in there and then you get downstairs to discover that your insides have pretty much liquefied and you are in and out of the bathroom for a few hours and then you start to feel better and decide to take your kids to school even though you dread going outside in that icy mess that has befallen and even though your car has been warming up for a good 25 minutes you try to get in but the doors are all frozen shut so you yank and yank and yank until it opens and you hustle the kids in so you can get them buckled in and get yourself in the car before you turn into an icicle and then as you round the corner you realize your windshield wipers and fluid have completely frozen and stop working but you get stuck in a line of cars waiting for a train so you decide to take that opportunity to get out and start trying to remove all the ice build up from your wipers and subsequently bang the shit out of the wipers on the windshield and then get back into your car and notice they still aren’t working completely right so you get back out for round two and you notice the train is coming to an end so you give up and get back into the car only to realize your door latch as frozen shut and your door won’t stay closed and you are stuck in a line of cars with a door that won’t stay closed and it’s like 2 degrees outside so you decide to crank the wheel and pull over to the left where there is a tiny empty lot so you can get out and work on your door latch but as you pull over your door flies open and by now you are saying the f-word an awful lot while other cars stare at your unfortunate misfortune but move on with their lives and then finally you work the latch enough to where it finally holds the door shut so you get back in and continue taking the boys to school and you try to call your husband to vent out loud about this major annoyance but he doesn’t answer his phone… so you get more annoyed because you can’t vent your other annoyances.
Then an hour or so later after you have gone to Walmart without incident (yay!) and you polish off the left over Panda Express orange chicken with chopsticks that you still can’t hold right but don’t feel comfortable eating Asian food with a fork so you muddle through and then decide to test out the new and very dark purple nail polish you just bought only as you do this you drop a big fat glob of that uber dark purple nail polish onto your nice jeans and once again you find yourself saying that f-word a lot so you run into the bathroom to try and use some nail polish remover and a q-tip to get the nail polish off your jeans and as you do this some nail polish remover seeps into a hang-nail and stings like a muthah-luvin’ bitch and you decide to just give up and stick your head in the oven at 525 degrees. At least it’s warm in there.
But you know what is awesome, for realz?
I WILL BE IN ARIZONA IN ONE MONTH! ONE. FREAKING. MONTH! Now, that is awesome.
I have a t-shirt that says Dr. Pepper. What I should have is a t-shirt that says, “Dr. Pepper Unites!” Because it does.
Dr. Pepper lovers share a bond. They share a soul. They share a passion that only other Dr. Pepper lovers know.
So I’m thinking that Dr. Pepper could create world peace. There are DP lovers all over the world and if we all became friends on Facebook maybe we could actually solve the world’s problems. I mean, we all know Facebook can cure Diabetes, stop domestic violence and is the soul reason that Barack Obama got elected, right? So, if I started a DP fan club on Facebook maybe I could single-handedly abolish all religious and political tensions throughout the planet, all because of our common love of Dr. Pepper.
If leaders like Mahmoud Amahdinejad drank a Dr. Pepper then maybe that giant stick up his ass would mysteriously disappear and he would, oh, I don’t know, learn to love the gays and recognize Jews? Anything is possible with Dr. Pepper. I mean those 23 flavors in DP would probably immediately start working on rewiring his brain and he might actually become tolerable…. and human. It’s worth a shot!
Coke and Pepsi may tout unity and peace in their ads but they are full of shit. Really. They don’t have that wonderful sweetness that Dr. Pepper has. THEY don’t have those 23 flavors and pretty maroon cans with Dr. Pepper written in that great 96-pt font. I don’t see people becoming friends because they share a love of Coke or Pepsi (also referred to as battery acid or “that vial substance that can clean out pipes”). Ok, to be fair here, Coke is great with the polar bears, I will give them that. But, the polar bear community has just been horribly brainwashed. We all know they would be much better off with Dr. Pepper. They would be so much happier with the sweet, fizzy goodness of DP and in turn they would probably start procreating like rabbits and wouldn’t be in danger of extinction anymore.
Alright, wait, Dr. Pepper does have it’s limitations though. It probably could not have helped our very own egotistical and arrogant governor Blagojevich. That fucker probably drinks Coke religiously and loves watching King of the Hill. See, Dr. Pepper may have uniting capabilities but it cannot help anyone in Illinois government because these people seem to reside on different planets. And DP can only help those located on Earth. That is the disclaimer that should be put on the can.
I’m starting to think that we have been going about trying to find Bin Laden all wrong. We are using the wrong military tactics and intel. Instead, what if just put a case of Dr. Pepper in the Afghan desert and attached a string to it? Then sometime during the night when creatures like him emerge from the underground depths, he would come out sniffing. He would spot the case of DP and slowly start making his way for it. But, unbeknownst to him, there would be a soldier at the other end of that string pulling it. Soon enough, Bin Laden would be surrounded and captured using the old “carrot on a string” routine, only it would become known as the old “DP on a string routine”. Then, in one final act of good old American “GOTCHA!”, he wouldn’t be allowed to drink one, because that is the worst kind of torture there is. And then all the soldiers, American and the like, would sit around their campfires drinking that wonderful, fizzy, goodness of their first cold DP and lay back with their collective, orgasmic, “ahhhhhh”. And world peace would begin.
So, I call for Dr. Pepper to be made the official drink of the polar bear nation and the global community.
Drink up.
(yes, I’m still on my medication and no I have not gone off the deep end. I promise)
Apparently that is a direct quote from Spongebob. The boys were in the shower just a bit ago and saying that line over and over again… and then laughing hysterically. I was trying to dry two wiggly and insane boys off while this was happening. Heh.
Then, in their ritualistic fashion, they love to run around the house naked for awhile and try to whack each other’s willies. Well, actually Monster is the one who tries to whack DramaBoy’s willy mostly.
I decided to compile a list of things that have come out of my mouth today, including repeating the phrase, “I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet” because it makes them laugh that much.
“Get your underwear off your head!”
“Stop smacking your brother’s willy!”
“MURRAY! GET OFF OF MONSTER!”
“MURRAY! Stop chewing on all the plastic recycling!”
“The furniture is not an amusement park!”
“Murray! Stop chewing on the tree skirt!”
“STOP SMOTHERING YOUR BROTHER WITH THAT PILLOW!”
Apparently the dog is obsessed with garbage and my recycled bottles. He must chew up old paper towels and destroy any plastic bottle that might be planning a serious terrorist plot in this house. He chews on the milk jugs and juice bottles and enjoys batting them around the kitchen like he’s playing recycle-hockey. Dumbshit.
While the dog is teaching our garbage a lesson, the boys seem to think that my living room furniture is a large bouncy house. They enjoy launching themselves from the recliners to the sofa. No matter how much I say stop or use time outs it never ceases. They are relentless.
My house just isn’t big enough for three boys (well, two boys and a dumbass male dog). Seriously. And with the Christmas decorations up now, it’s even more crowded and vulnerable to the wrath of the boys.
I need serenity. Serenity in a large bottle of wine, maybe. If only it weren’t 10:40am.
Guess I’ll run for the fizzy goodness of my first Dr. Pepper instead.
Once upon a time, I was in the guestroom organizing some mail. Monster was playing on the floor behind me and the dog was annoying the ever-loving piss out of me by constantly putting his “crack-ball” in my lap, as if I wanted to actually play with him.
After a few moments of, “Murray take your damn ball! I DON’T WANT TO PLAY!” and “Monster, who are you talking to? What are you doing with that tiny rubber lobster? “, I realized someone was missing.
“DramaBoy! What are you doing!?” I called out from the comfort of my office chair.
“(something completely unintelligible was spoken back to me)“
“WHAT?!”
“(something completely unintelligible was repeated to me)“
“You are peeing?!” I asked thinking I had the right answer.
“NOOOOO!! (something unintelligible was repeated yet again only this time with an obvious sense of annoyance and frustration)”
“WHAT!?” I yelled back again, obviously trying my hardest not to remove my ass from my chair.
Once again, something was yelled back that I couldn’t quite make out.
“Are you upstairs?” I asked.
“NO!” he yelled back. “I don’t want you seeing!”
AH! I finally understood what he was saying. He didn’t want me seeing him! Duh!
WAIT! OH F**K! That means he’s up to something!! This cannot be good. I finally got up out of my chair and raced in the direction of his voice. He was in the bathroom. Great, I figured he had jammed the toilet with gobs of toilet paper after pooping.
What I actually saw when I got to the bathroom is an image that will never leave my mind. And, since I immediately ran back for my camera it will surely live on forever. And it will probably be pulled out for friends, family and future girlfriends. In fact, this picture just might get framed for my wall.
I present to you, “The Great Toilet Seat Incident… of ‘08″
I am still not sure what prompted my son to put the toilet seat over his head, AFTER pooping mind you, but he did. And it got stuck. It would not fit back over his head. I tried taking it off and he screamed at me, “NO! I WILL DO IT!” because it was hurting his head. I laughed and he got more pissed. He got REALLY pissed when I brought out the camera.
Well, son, I’m sorry. Stupidity like this is very deserving of snapshots and blog fodder.
I guess he is my son… sometimes he just can’t resist something so tempting…. much like sticking a Reynolds Handi-Vac to my face or licking icicles in the dead of a Minnesota winter and ripping off the top layer of my tongue. I’m quite familiar with stupidity and the apple doesn’t seem to have fallen far from the tree.
This is my very very very very first attempt EVER at editing video. I have a webcam now and thought I would give this a shot. I’m telling you now, it’s lame. It’s sad even. But I’m still somewhat proud of my mad editing skillz feeble attempt at making something halfway creative.
I would say enjoy… but that would just be silly.
And I just noticed that on one of my interchanges I misspelled “AND”. I put “ANT” instead. I definitely won’t quit my day job.
