Hi! Remember me?

Well, I haven’t been gone that long. Long enough though. God I miss ya’lls!!! Technically this isn’t quite going to be classified as a drunk post, however, I am on my third glass of wine. This means, I’m still conscious of my typing errors and will fix them, but I cannot be held responsible for what comes out of my fingertips. Inhibitions are off. Heh.

First things first. We are now a mere 24 hours away from the arrival of my BFF!!!! WOOT! I cannot wait to see her. Two full days will not be enough but it’s all I can get… and I owe her a trip out to see her anyway. I just hope we enjoy a fun weekend and are drunk for at least 36 of the 48 hours we have.

Ok, to be honest, the only reason I’m blogging right now is because I’m avoiding homework and I felt like I was neglecting my fan. Heh. So, here I sit, drinking and watching the debates. How apropos. You know, it’s funny… I was raised in a Republican home. I also spent 15 years of my life in Arizona and liked John McCain.

In 2002 I left my home and everything I knew and spread my wings in Illinois. I have made a life for myself and have slowly realized that I’m the black sheep in my family… or, the Democrat. My mother sent me an email last night because she obviously doesn’t want to believe that I am the big D. It was a stoopid email that had several quotes from Obama’s books that paint him into a negative light. I have read a large portion of the book “Dreams of my Father” and knew that they were completely taken out of context.

So, I replied to my mother with this,
______
Oh dear God Mother, so it begins? I read a large portion of that book and those comments were taken out of context. Oy.

Your very proud Democratic and Obama loving daughter.
______

So, now that I’m living my own life without the influences of my family (which is not a bad thing), I have discovered that I’m part bleeding heart, part conservative, part teeter-totterer, pro-gay everything, pro-environment and absolutely despise the last 8 years of the presidential administration. I also know that politicians over-promise and under-deliver. I’m not stoopid. Elections are generally just a choice between the lesser of the two evils. This time is not so different, but I just cannot see Obama as evil. I don’t expect him to be able to pull through on all his promises but I do see a positive administration full of changes in him.

There, I said it. I went there. I discussed something I usually avoid because it’s not necessary to mention on here… but, I’m drinking, watching the debates and hard up for topics. And, I am not going to hide behind my values either. I proudly exclaim that I HAVE A HEART! Gooooo donkeys! Heh.

This means that hubs is going to grow a beard and the first man to cave and shave is not only a pussy (my words, not theirs) but he loses out on the pot of money. But guess what. These idiots only put in $5 each! FIVE FREAKING dollars for a beard war? Look, the aggravation ALONE is worth more than that! So, with the 5 or 6 dudes in this war, that means the winner will get $25 to $30 bucks for winning. WHAT? Look, if my husband is going to be a part of this damn beard war, I expect him to win, first of all, and second when he DOES win I expect a helluva lot more money than a mere $30 bucks! I have to look at his scraggly-ass face for weeks (because he doesn’t lose) and I deserve at least $50 bucks just for that!

Not to mention this beard war could carry over into the annual Christmas party and I’ll be damned if I’m going to attend with Grizzly Friggin’ Adams and not win more than $30 bucks! Shit! So, my mission is to get these dudes to fork up more cash for the pot. Not only is my husband going to win but he is going to come home with enough cash to buy mama somethin’ real nice.

Oh, and on a sidenote, McCain can kiss my Obama-loving ass! HE WAS NOT A BILL AYERS FOLLOWER, ASSOCIATE, FRIEND or A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G! Dear God.

On another note, if you are voting for McCain, it’s fine. I will still like you. Hopefully you can still like me for not voting for him. Agree to disagree. That is what America is about!

Yeah, this is definitely a drunk post. I’m embarrassed already….

P.S – My dog has HORRIBLY STINKY GAS! DEAR LORD!

Smooches peeps… homework calls. I wonder how my paper will turn out now. Heh.

Um…

So, I’m sitting in my recliner watching the Biggest Loser finale, and chowing down on cookies and wine. Gotta love irony. I brushed the crumbs off my chest and then picked up my cell phone to see I have a new text message.

My sister sent me a forwarded text message…. a picture of a penis made out of snow. Ok, lets back up. Number one, I dislike 95% of all email forwards so to get them on my phone pisses me off even more. Number two, a penis? Made out of snow? A snowpenis? Really?

That fucked up a really good alcohol and sugar-induced buzz I was working on.

Now lets switch gears. As I was stuffing my face with Christmas cookies watching people on t.v who dropped gobs and gobs of weight, I saw a preview for the next Dateline featuring this sorry-ass excuse for a man. Know him? If you don’t, try just turning on your television. Unfortunately this jaggoff lives about 30 minutes west of me in another suburb so he has been a very prominent face on local television as well as national. He literally makes me sick to my stomach.

I am not quite sure that the media has ever put the spotlight on a more disingenuous liar in all of my life. Sure, I have convicted him in the court of public opinion. Sure I am going against my “benefit of the doubt” virtues I normally hold to. Sure, he makes my skin crawl and yet I have never met the man in my life. But hey, just watch him talk for 30 seconds. You’ll feel the same way.

I want him to go away. Go far far far far away.

Truth be told, I’m a tad high on the fruits of the vine at the moment…so excuse my oddness… God I love reisling wines.

My evening has been spent, mostly, in peace and alone. It has been a long, long, long time since I have taken a deep breathe. Hubby went out to play his last night of volleyball. The kids are in bed and I didn’t have schoolwork to do. I had planned on catching up on the 14 hours of All My Children that I am behind in. However, I turned the t.v on and got stuck watching the Biggest Loser finale. I only watched one show all season but I kept seeing the latest cast off on the Today Show each week. And, I’m a sucker for makeovers and gigantic transformations. Anyway, for the first time in ages I feel light. Ironic since I just watched people collectively lose about 1000 pounds. I didn’t lose physical weight, so to speak, but I lost a lot of stress weight.

I feel like I have some sort of control back in my life. Per usual, it won’t last long. It never does. Something will come along to replace my temporary euphoria. But, I’ll enjoy this for as long as I can.

Now, I’m off to bed… where my two year old is currently warming my side of the bed… because that is what he does now… comes into my bed. Every. Night.

Day 10.92456 to the 4th power

Does that title make any sense to you? Cuz it makes no sense to me either…but since this is my second post on day 1o, I couldn’t very well call it just Day 10 again and since my keybord doesn’t do that little “to the power” sign that math does I can’t exactly call it day 10 to the 2nd power in that cute little math way.

Does what I just said make any sense to you? Cuz to me it does, but that’s only cuz I’m about 28 sheets to the wind. Drunk. Ok, not drunk persay, but happily buzzed… or partially drunk… or 1.5 sheets to the wind. Whatever the fuck you want to call it.

It’s late on a Saturday night and my kids are sound asleep, hubs bailed becuz the wailing of 7 women chatting was too much to bear and now all my girls are gone and I’m left alone…. 1.5 sheets to the wind and no hubs in site. My blinks are heavy and I don’t really know what I”m typing. Errors will be common and I don’t give a fuck, really.

Guess what, my friend Becky is a cop tomorrow. She just graduation from the academy on thursday and tomorrow she is a cop, officially. Officially she’s an officer. HA HA HA! That’s funny. Officer Becky. I’m so proud of her. She’s freaking awesome and could kick ANYONE’S ass. Anyone. I hope she doesn’t get stuck directiong traffic for 5 years. She needs to be promoted to detective like right away because she is wicked smart. Wicket. I mean weicked. I mean wicked. Wicked.

Fuck I”m tired.

Oh my god. I just fell saslleep. Serioculsy. i nodded off and just shook myslef awake. Why is it that wnen bloggers get drink they think it’s ok to blog. you shouldn’t drink and drive so there should be a law against drinking and bloggeing too. But, here I sit… tired, buzzed off, and typing away as if it’s job,.

I have nothing to day…nothing to say I mean. I don’t care about typos… I don’t care what comes out of my fingers… I’m just here… spewing word vomit onto the screen. I don’t know how much I drank but it’s probaly in the ballpark of 2 bottles of wine… maybe tad less. And fondue. God I love fondue.

I hosted tonights girls night… that’s why I’m here typing… I just cleaned up and have nothing better to do than sit here. I thought about doing my homework for tomorrow… but that would not be good.

Oh. My. God. Guess what song just came on my tv… I have the Sirius satellite station playing on my tv and Right Said Fred is on singing “Im Too Sexy”.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA H!

I’m too sexy for this blog. I’m too sexy for this blog. I’m a model and you know what I mean… ON the catwalk… I do my little blog on the catwalk…

I really need to go. Seriously. THis is just plain sad. Sad sad sad.