You may have thought that I was crazy before reading this post. You may have even entertained the thought that committing me in an institution might be the best thing for human nature. And, after reading this post you may wind up feeling completely validated in those feelings and end up sending messages to my husband who is now on Facebook (thanks to me) that he should run for his life and take the children with him.

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, hubs and I are really trying to make healthier choices and I have added walking/running into my weekly activities. I have not succeeded all that well in the food department as I have eaten a lot of milk duds and Easter candy along with the broccoli and yogurt with granola. I justify this by truly believing that as long as I’m walking/running each week that I can have all the candy I want. Delusional, yes.

I am succeeding in my exercise program, however. I manage to complete my walk/run a few times a week now and my stamina is increasing rapidly. I have a great running mix of music that I made as a playlist on my iPod and it really motivates me and helps me keep at a quick pace. We are fortunate to live in an area that has a bike trail which goes for miles and miles. I jump on it a block or so behind my house and take it for about a one mile or so before I turn around and head back. The trail is straight and cuts through the heart of my neighborhood and then right behind our mall area and on through a wooded and uninhabited area and so on and so on.

It is in this “mall” part of the trail where it gets a bit more lonely, seedy and honestly unsettling. The entire trail is lined with trees and in the area behind the mall there are large swampy ponds, creeks and backwaters as well. People will pass on bikes or on foot and a courtesy wave will be given. Occasionally one will pass a single person who isn’t exercising but rather simply wandering aimlessly aside from the fact that they are on a straight trail.

I tend to take my walks in the evening hours because that is when hubs is home to watch the boys while I’m gone. Spring is coming and it stays lighter a lot later than it did in the winter so evening walks are not a problem. However, this does not mean that macabre, morbid and gruesome thoughts don’t permeate my head as I pounce through the trail while listening to “Pump It” by the Black Eyed Peas and “1999″ by Prince.

My ghoulish mind tricks might be the result of watching too much CSI, Law and Order and Without A Trace episodes. In fact, they must be. Regardless, they cloud my exercise euphoria and cause me not to fully enjoy my temporary freedom. As I pass the swampy ponds I imagine bodies floating to the surface. Each person that passes me who doesn’t seem to be walking with a purpose causes me to stiffen up and clench my fists somewhat.

There are parts of this trail that just seem destined to have a dead body found and may even already contain a few missing persons; in my mind anyway. I imagine a man jumping out from the trees to snag an unsuspecting woman who is just out for a run. The next thing we know she is on the 10 O’clock news as a missing person or just another body found in a wooded, swampy area.

I try to shake these thoughts from my head, I really do. I try to to enjoy the fresh, crisp air and lose myself in my music but I just can’t fully let go. And, to be honest, I believe that is a good thing. I need to be aware of my surroundings. I need to know when there are people behind me or if there are any freaks lurking behind some trees ahead of me. I need to be ready. The way I see it is that I’m new to this whole “exercise” thing and the way my luck works I would be the one trying to better myself, lose weight and get healthy only to end up dead and floating face-down in the beaver damn behind the Target. Sigh.

Tonight, just when I thought I should let my guard down and lose myself in the high I came upon a very cagey man. Prince’s “1999″ had just finished and I was on the last two songs of my playlist, the slow down pace. “Homecoming” by Kanye with Chris Martin was playing and as I got closer to this man I got more nervous. He was one of those people on the trail who wasn’t there to exercise and probably wasn’t soul searching to find a higher state of existence.

He was carrying a brown paper bag and I could see he was wearing headphones. He was walking down the left side of the trail and there was no one else around except him and me. My pace quickened as I got closer to him. He was walking slowly and aimlessly and then he stopped. He took a beer out of the paper bag and took a long chug. Then, he lit a cigarette. At this point I pretty much imagined my own demise. Snatched, screams muffled, beaten and.. well… hello Heaven.

I got very, very nervous as I approached him. I watched his every move and just waited for the seconds it would take me to walk by him to pass so I could breathe again. I felt the tension in my chest and sensed the feeling of him grabbing me and pulling me into the trees. I felt validated in my crazy thoughts for once! As I passed him I kept turning my head to the left to use my peripheral vision so I knew where he was. Once I was several steps past him and his puffs of smoke I removed my headphones so I could listen for quick footsteps behind me. I walked faster.

Soon I was well beyond him and let my guard down a tad; just a tad. I kept my headphones off and walked the rest of the way home in silence, save for the sounds of teenagers, a pick-up baseball game and cars passing by. I began to think, maybe he is just a sad alcoholic and likes to take evening walks in peace. Maybe he just had a fight with his girlfriend and stepped out to clear his head. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. That trail is open to everyone; you certainly don’t need to be on a mission of health or anything to use it. But, he was the epitome and perfect profile of a serial killer so that benefit of the doubt didn’t get far with me.

If he was a normal, honest person, he had to realize just how sinister his actions might appear to a woman walking by. And, if he were truly a rapist, murderer or abductor, then he knew exactly what he was doing; he was the perfect cliche of a snatch-and-kill man.

Alas, I made it home safe and sound. Regardless of his intentions, I’m not taking the trail in the evenings anymore unless I’m on my bike. Or, if I do take the trail, I won’t take it as far as I did today. I simply want to enjoy my time out there in the fresh air and not worry about every person I pass. I figure that if I change up my routine, stick to the neighborhood streets a bit more and ride my bike on some evenings then maybe I can relax and enjoy myself.

I am fully aware that I’m a morbid thinker but I figure it keeps me alert and might actually help, in my twisted logical  fashion. I find it incredibly ironic how I can feel so completely distrusting in this type of setting yet be so naive and trusting with other, complete strangers in different scenarios.

As always, I am the perfect blend of consistent inconsistency.