“Wax on, wax off”

I was basically offered the job back in Arizona today.

It’s mine, if I can commit to the 6 weeks of training starting May 5th.

On the way to pick DramaBoy up from preschool, I sort of had an argument with myself; a gentle one though.

Self – “This weather SUCKS today! It can’t get much worse than 40-mile an hour winds, rain and 30 degree windchills!”

Self – “I know, but just think, if you move to Arizona you won’t have to deal with this!”

Self – “True, but if I move, there won’t be 4 seasons to enjoy and maybe I wouldn’t appreciate all of that sun after awhile. You know, you can’t appreciate the good stuff without experiencing the bad.”

Self – “Yeah, but you’re an idiot. You don’t need to appreciate the sun all year because not appreciating the sun is STILL better than dealing with this shit!”

Self – “True dat, self, true dat.”

Self – “So, about this job, now what?”

Self – “Well, a lot has to happen first… I mean, I can’t just accept it and leave my husband and move down there while he finishes work up here, hopefully finds a job down there and then by some miracle actually sells our house.”

Self – “Yeah, but you could go down there, live with your mom for a spell, get some work and a few paychecks under you and start setting up a savings while living rent and car payment free. I mean, Mr. SUV is going to be paid off in 2 months and mom won’t charge you rent!”

Self - “I know, but (stomach sinking to the floor) I have to commit to this six weeks of training..no sick days or vacation. I must be there every single day. What if my kids are sick? I won’t be able to take care of them because I’ll have go to work! I haven’t worked in 4 years, let alone never not being there for my children!

Self – “Sucks to be you, doesn’t it. But, think about the money you will be making! And when hubs finds a job, you guys won’t be scraping the bottom of the coin barrel anymore. You can pay down debt.

Self – “But, my kids… I have been there for my boys almost every single day of their life!”

Self – “They are sick of you.”

Self – “Shut up. They are not.”

Self – “They will survive without you. You can enjoy them more by not being around them 24/7.”

Self – “But, I’m their MOTHER! It’s kind of like that sunshine bullshit… I don’t HAVE to appreciate them all the time because it’s better than the alternative of NOT seeing them all the time.

Self – “Liar liar pants on fire. You are so full of shit.”

Self – “I know, but it eases the guilt”.

Self - “You need help. You know this right? You need major therapy.”

Self – “Sad, but soooo true.”

Hubs has been looking for work down in AZ for a few weeks now. He has sent in resumes to various companies and has not heard a thing yet. The market sucks, so selling this house would be hard, especially with the state it’s in now. We would need to sink some money into it first to add a bathroom and some closets.

The thing is, we both really do want to move. The weather is draining us, but we know things will look up in the summer when everything is pretty again, and warm! Then there is the fact that we live in Cook County and Cook County sucks beyond all that is sucky. Our sales tax will be going up to 10.5% by summer time. Do you know that will make it the highest sales tax in the country? Our property taxes will be going up as well with the new assessments that will take place. Oh, and do you know that you have to PAY to leave Cook County. When you leave the county you have to pay some sort of tax just to leave. We also have more potholes than we have county residents.

It is all very depressing. We want to move so bad but so many factors are keeping us from being able to do it. Mentally, we are already gone. It’s hard to get up every day and look at the dreariness around us and all the negativity we see. Sure, summer will make things better, but the fact is, the taxes are still going up, we are still struggling, we still won’t be able to sell our house and the potholes will still be back by next winter, and, racism doesn’t change with the seasons. I’m sure that guy will still be around even when it’s warm and sunny.

Hubs and I are going to discuss things tonight, just like we do every night, only this time, I kind of have a job waiting for me down in the land of 300 days of yearly sunshine which adds a little something to the conversation, don’t you think?