I hear appedicitis is going around.

I’m a pound lighter or so, depending upon how much my appendix actually weighed.

Saturday morning at 4am I woke up to stomach cramps. I had felt something very similar twice before so I figured it was the same thing and would pass in a few hours. By the afternoon I was even more miserable but still figured it was an intestinal bug. Then I vomited.

After that the stomach cramps subsided for a bit and then came back, only the cramp settled into my right side and stayed there. At that point it got pretty unbearable. I was curled up on the bathroom floor for quite awhile and really got acquainted with the ugly tile and toilet base.

Finally, around 4:30pm (12 hours later) I told hubs that I could not take much more. I wasn’t sure it was just the flu and I wanted to go to urgent care, even if it meant the embarrassment of the doctors saying it really was just gas.

We got to urgent care and I was even more miserable. As the triage nurse asked me what medications I was taking I threw up in her trash can. Awesome.

Once in the room the doctor examined my stomach and said what I had suspected all along, “I think it might be appendicitis.”

You have got to be kidding me.

Within the next 3 hours I had to drink 48 ounces of that barium crap and then had a CT scan to confirm what we already knew. Did you know that barium looks like milk but tastes like carbonated, flavored milk? It’s nasty stuff.

After the CT scan I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. I even got the lights and siren treatment! The hospital was about 10-15 minutes away and the chic driving got us there in 7 minutes. SUH-weet!

I got up to my room to be admitted in and have my vitals checked for 735th time. Then I was taken down to the pre-op. This is where I met my anesthesiologist. He was an interesting fellow. The first thing I noticed was the 2-inch long, thick, black hair on his arms that went all the way up to his shoulders. Then I look at his face and see just has much hair. Oh my gawd, an ape is going to put me under. Under his surgical cap that he’s wearing is a purple turbin. Actually, the color was more eggplant. Very pretty.

Then, he scratched his balls. A turbin-wearing, ball-scratching ape is going to be responsible for putting me under for surgery??

Once again, You have GOT to be kidding me.

Luckily my surgeon was awesome, and even handsome. His bedside manner was incredible and I felt very safe with him. The nurses were all incredible as well at the clinic and the hospital.

Soon I was wheeled into the operating room and my arms were stretched out to either side and strapped down, lightly. The mask was put over my face and I drifted into the best sleep of my life.

Then I woke up to the most unpleasant, horrific and painful experience of my life. I wake up gagging and the feeling of a tube being pulled out of my throat. Then I feel the pain in my abdomen. It. Was. Horrible. I remember crying, moaning, screaming and begging for pain meds. I also remember shaking terribly… almost convulsing. At this point they went and got my husband so he could help calm me down I guess. They told him I was fighting the pain meds.

After he got there and rubbed my hand I calmed down a bit and felt better. I was still in pain but I could feel myself relaxing. After that I really don’t remember what happened.

I spent two days in the hospital and got home yesterday afternoon. My abdomen is still pretty sore but I have help and pain meds, of course. The pain meds don’t really take away the pain, they just help me relax.

So, that is my weekend in a nutshell. So much for starting the new year out on a high note, eh? At this point, this year could not have started off worse. Now I have 3 holes in my tummy and a lot of pain. And, that is just the tip of this iceberg folks. Just the tip.