Confessions of a Modern Mama July 5, 2007
Posted by angelh28 in Mama confessions.trackback
Just pretend I’m sitting on a metal chair, in a dingy gray room with one bright light over my head while the mother police interrogate me by banging fists on the table, throwing things and speaking a 1/2 inch from my face with gritted teeth and a few flecks of spit hitting my cheek until I confess my sins.
In all actuality confessions would spill out of me with some fondue and a glass of wine…. or, just having a blog. There really isn’t a need for Law and Order confessionary tactics.
That is neither here nor there, though. Mothers all have things that we like to keep secret for fear of looking unfit and ruining their perfect image. I mean, lets face it, motherhood IS a competitive sport. Goals are scored on the playgrounds, supermarkets and shopping malls.
When a mother sits on the playground bench chatting with her other mother friends. Another mother is sliding down the slide with her kid and playing in the sandbox… SCORE! The sliding mama - 1, chatty bench mamas - 0.
A mother walks into the store and her child immediately throws a fit because he can’t ride in the special video cart. Another mother walks in with a child the same age and he passes those evil money hungry machines without so much as a glance… SCORE! Tantrum mama - 0, Non-tantrum mama - 1.
Everyday is a competition for moms. Who found the greatest deal on Gap and Carter’s clothes? Who has the cutest diaper bag? Whose stroller is the best? (Oh lord, don’t EVEN get me started on stroller envy. That is an entirely different post.) Who packed the healthiest snacks for her kids? Who has the cleanest house and still manages her kids well? Who came up with the best theme for her kids party? Honestly, if poker can be an Olympic sport, so can motherhood.
The competition is so great that sometimes mothers are reduced to bumbling sacks of tears who spew nonsense to their husbands while they simply nod and smile. Some moms even have to medicate themselves… pharmaceutically or with alcohol. Either way, it’s fun.
Since I’m on a crusade to change the world I figured I would make a small contribution to the motherhood sports league (MSL) by confessing some of my motherly sins.
My son had Goldfish® for lunch today.
I drove 100 yards from Lowe’s to the Target right next door without buckling my kids into their seats.
I have left Monster in his crib for an hour after his nap because I’m not ready to deal with him. I have also put him to bed for the same reason.
I took a Thomas the Train away from DramaBoy that I found out was recalled because of potential lead in the paint, but gave it back to him because I didn’t know what else to do with it.
My 3 year old is still not potty trained. It’s a work in progress. Ok, I’m lazy, too.
Television. Enough said.
I yell too much.
I still let swear words slip in front of the boys.
If we aren’t leaving the house, I usually don’t even bother dressing the boys, they just stay in their jammies or t-shirts all day.
I passed Monster to his daddy on the train the other day and said “Take him or I’m dropping him off at the next stop” (after enduring 45 minutes of being kicked, slapped and pinched).
Toenails sometimes get very long because the battle isn’t worth the victory.
Cereal for dinner… enough said, again.
Mommy confessions are like poop… we all have it, we all hold it in sometimes and we all feel better when we let it out.
I am well aware that my confessions make me sound like trailer trash, but that is only one side of me. I just haven’t made the list of things that would make other mommies jealous! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Ok, in honor of my first decent post (it is decent, right???) in like, forevah, speak up. Confess something in your comments. Tell me your sins. Daddies too! Share your dark side with the internet. You’ll feel better. Besides, once every mother realizes that ALL mom’s have hidden confessions maybe the competition will ease up….
…Naaaaaah! NEVAH!
I don’t have any to confess yet but hopefully will someday…although I got a good chuckle out of yours!
I have witnessed the competition for the best birthday parties though - it can get OUT OF HAND!! I try to say that I’m not going to do that when I have kids, but I’m sure I’ll get sucked in like everyone else!
Love Love Love this post!
Decent? This was great!
Some of my confessions…
My daughter didn’t eat lunch today. Because I wanted her to take a nap instead. So I gave her a slice of cheese. In bed.
I taught daughter how to say penis just so she could make her daddy uncomfortable.
I let the neighbor kid (T, of course) knock on our front door for ten minutes (SERIOUSLY. HE STOOD THERE FOR TEN MINUTES!) because I didn’t want to deal with him. Poor Eeyore didn’t get to play.
Thats all for today.
Hmm, where to even begin. My kids played hour upon hour of video games today. They’ve had Happy Meals for lunch two days in a row. and the list goes on and on. I just can’t think of everything right now, with me having so many confessions and all.
Hi,
I think this is the first time I have commented here…found you awhile ago, but don’t remember how.
Anyway, I enjoy your blog…love the humor and sarcasm!
My confession…after I feed my girls, they like to crawl around the kitchen floor underneath their high chairs and eat the scraps of food off the floor that fell or were thrown there…I don’t race over to stop them. It’s less mess for me to clean up and they threw it there in the first place.
Well then on this score - we’re totally even… I have done EXACTLY the same thing - ALL OF THEM!!
LOL - but isn’t that the truth about the competitive nature among mothers, I see it all the time!
Pampering my princesses is that a sin
I love your true blue honesty Angel & sense of humour too…this is life ahhh…..
Gosh who hasn’t done those things. I know I have.
Wait until your kids get older and they can take care of themselves….I sleep in until 11 sometimes and bang on the wall so they will quite down.
The other day I called my son from the other room and X-box to grab something for me (that was actually CLOSER to me)…just like Mom used to do!
Love your blog!
I with you, I placed checks next to almost every confession.
I told T. last night that if he got out of bed one more time I would turn off the light (which he needs kept on because he’s afraid of the dark). It worked.
I closed the front door and curtains when the stalker children across the street were staring at us AGAIN.
And cereal….that’s a dinner staple so I thought I’d mention that again.
Once, when my kids were small and evil…
I was watching a documentary on TV… it was about a psychiatric hospital for children who were self mutilating and otherwise did awful things to themselves as a result of mental challenges/illnesses. The hospital used electric shock devices (much like dog training shock collars) to administer ‘negative feedback’ to the kids when they behaved in inappropriate ways. The hospital was, of course, sued for this cruel and inhumane treatment of the poor handicapped kids. The documentary was about how such a horribly awful thing could happen in our country in the name of mental health care.
…the whole time I was watching the program I was thinking ‘OH MY GOD, I’VE GOTTA GET SOME OF THOSE SHOCK COLLARS FOR MY THREE!’
(they are all grown now, relatively normal, and making lots of new grandbabies for me.)
Isn’t it fun?
Dana
is this like truth or dare?
Mine would be - I have a thing for lstening to confessions from naughty mama’s